Whatever comes to mind

Flashback

2012-01-29T19:18:00.000-08:00

Flashback to about 8 years ago. I was 12 years old, babysitting for a family friend with 5 kids who were awesome. Now fast forward 8 years, Im 20 years old and just realised that one of the kids is now in High School O__O

All time low

2012-01-21T18:34:00.000-08:00

The challenge with depression is the constant battle to stay above water. At the moment my depression is at an all time low. I rarely go out except to go to work, the rest of the time I stay home, watch movies, listen to music. I rarely get texts or calls from anyone. Im really wondering what the point is in trying anymore. I need friends who will text me to see how my day is going, to hang out with me at night when Im not at work, to give me something to look forward to when I get off work. This sucks. I need to get out of here.

Im going

2012-01-21T18:11:00.000-08:00

Im embarking on a journey of self discovery starting either in late spring and I am starting a new blog about it. Heres the link http:http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif//davidslifeinasuitcase.blogspot.com/

Disappear

2012-01-11T17:19:00.000-08:00

I think Im going to disappear for a while either in late spring or early summer and just get away from where I live now and go somewhere where I do not know anyone who lives there. I'm not saying where because first of all its not for sure, second it depends on if I hear back about any of the jobs I applied for work out, and third I dont want anyone really to know where I am going because I just need to get away for a while and reboot myself.

New life

2012-01-08T16:22:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking about this for a while and Im hoping to start a new life outside the states in about a year, in Canada. I'm researching schools and have a few I intend to apply to. They are

Memorial University-St Johns, Newfoundland and Labrador.

University of Victoria-Victoria, British Columbia.

University of Alberta-Edmonton, Alberta.

University of British Columbia-Vancouver, British Columbia.

Concordia University-Montreal, Quebec.

University of Ottawa-Ottawa Ontario

I intend to apply to the Bachelor of Primary Education for each of these respective universities. My intended goal is to become a Elementary School teacher and work with young kids because I enjoy helping them learn.

I think I will be turning this blog into a blog about my journey through applying for admissions to those Canadian Universities, how I will figure out how to pay for school there, the process of obtaining a student visa, wrapping up my life in the states as I prepare to leave, moving to Canada, getting started there, and life in general there.

Hopefully in about a year I will be Canada bound eh?

Christmas baking

2011-12-03T21:57:00.000-08:00

Well I've done a bit of baking before but never to the extent that I am planning to do this Christmas. I'm planning on making
Coffeecake (this actually doesnt contain coffee lol, traditionally its served with coffee. Im going to be using my Great Aunts recipe which is amazing :) )
Sugar Cookies
Shortbread Cookies
Lemon-cake
Gingerbread Cookies
Gingerbread men
Banana bread
Zucchini Bread
Snickerdoodles
Fudge
Chocolate Chip Cookies
I would like to do peanut butter cookies but Im going to be with my family who lives about half an hour away and she has a slight allergy to peanuts where she gets canker sores. Thankfully its not as severe as peanut allergys can be but still nonetheless I will not be bringing peanut butter cookies with me. However I might make a batch of them for myself to enjoy at home :)

With this I have a few things I need to shop for such as some baking pans and another baking tray. I also need to get a special baking pan for making coffeecake so I am definitely am going to start poking around thrift stores for baking pans and whatnot. This is going to be fun

Retail Rant :)

2011-11-26T21:54:00.000-08:00

At my previous job (I start my new job monday :) ) I worked retail at a large box store and while there were some things I liked about it (quite a few of the people I worked with) there were also some things I absolutely hated about it (certain company policies, a coworker who was a bitch before she became a supervisor and after she got promoted it went to her head and she was unbearable, etc...) and I found this video on youtube by a guy in Canada who also works retail and I have to say it mirrors quite a few of my feelings about working retail.

Got a new job!

2011-11-18T16:12:00.000-08:00

Well I got a new job in Salt Lake at a call center taking inbound calls for international travel reservations. It pays 70 cents more an hour than what Im currently getting plus it offers commission opportunities for upselling hotel packages, for example someone calls wanting to book a room and I suggest they include a breakfast package with that hotel room, I get a commission if they decide to go with that. So I put my two weeks notice in at my current job yesterday which kind of surprised our HR lady but she took it nicely because I was very nice about it and had written a polite letter of resignation/two weeks notice. I'm going to miss my friends from my current job but I'm looking forward to new opportunities working in a field I have personal experience in having lived overseas in the Middle East. I visited Bahrain quite often so I have my personal preferences about what to do in that Island Kingdom and its soo much fun there. One of these days I wouldnt mind leading a guided tour there and in Europe. My next international travel experience outside of North America is hopefully going to be Ireland in about two years depending on if I can save up the money or if I can do a study abroad program with school. I really want to see The Emerald Isles or the Motherland as I call it as my Moms family came from Ireland in the early 1900s and shes full Irish and my Dads part Irish so I am over half Irish and its kind of obvious at times with my skin tone and hair tint. I've actually met some people from Ireland and it turns out I am more Irish then them because their families have been marrying people from all over Europe for years as opposed to my Moms family who when they came over to the States from Ireland settled in the New York City area and it seems like they mostly stayed in the Irish areas.

So I am looking forward to how my life will be in the next few months.

Currently listening to: Alexander Rybak- Roll with The Wind

And the job search goes on

2011-11-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

I've decided the next step in my life will be moving to Salt Lake City from where I am presently living in Utah so I have been jobhunting and actually had a couple of interviews already. One was for a tanning salon at which I thought I would be answering the phones, cleaning the tanning beds, helping customers, and keeping the place clean, but noooo.... It was a sales scam which I started to realise when I came in for the interview and it started with a sales presentation. About half an hour into the group interview I decided that this was definitely not for me so I raised my hand and said "I'm sorry this job is not for me" and then left. The second interview was with a hotel reservation company call center which was the one I really wanted to get because I love to travel so I think working in a call center doing hotel reservations would be really fun. It paid 10 bucks an hour plus commissions for upselling hotel packages such as selling a breakfast package with a hotel room. The interview went really well and they wanted to hire me after I scored in the top two on their call center assessment tests but unfortunately their training class had just filled up and their next class wouldnt be starting till sometime early next year. So they gave me their business card and told them to give them a call early in January and I would have an extremely good chance at getting hired on with them. What I also liked about their location is that it was pretty close to the trax stop (Utahs high speed lightrail) so I could get their via public transportation and save a lot on gas and also do my body some good by walking more. Thats one thing I really like about Salt Lake, you can usually get most places easily by public transportation and a bit of walking.

But onto continuing my job hunt. I just saw another job posting with another company that does hotel reservations internationally that I intend to put in an application to.

Currently listening to: Dance with the Devil by Breaking Benjamin

Oh joy

2011-11-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

I really need to see a doctor about not being able to sleep... and a chiropractor. This sucks when I really want to sleep but cant and then I eventually pass out from sheer exhaustion. Why is it impossible to get a nights sleep without being in pain!?!

I need to escape

2011-10-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

Things are not working out for me here. I have a decent job but things got so out of hand I dropped out of school and I just need to escape this place next summer. So I'm looking for a second job at the moment to pay off my bills and to start saving up so I can get out of here. I need to disappear for a while when I move and I dont know where I will be moving to.

4 am

2011-10-15T03:15:00.000-07:00

4 am and I still cant sleep. The insomnia is getting worse. I should be asleep relieved and happy by the past few days events... My lab results came back negative meaning I dont have diabetes like I thought, I had a blast the other night going to Ihop at night with a group of friends from work and were talking about making it an annual thing on every payday. But I think the underlying factor to why I cant sleep is stress. Stress over family and communication, school, life... I'm still trying to figure out solutions to each thing and yet I cant figure out solutions at the moment. I know I will figure it out eventually but at the moment I digress.

Update

2011-10-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

Hmm. Well I decided to look around for a new job to see what I can find. I've worked at the same place for over a year now and while its a good job, I'm a bit bored working there and want to see if I can find something else. So I've been tweaking my resume and applying for a few jobs online.

...

2011-10-05T18:27:00.001-07:00

There are days when I wish I could reboot my life.

Changes...

2011-09-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

So today I was thinking and realised that I've made quite a few subtle changes in my life recently. I got a new bedspread, some new clothes, changed my hair, lost some weight. Its definitely interesting to see myself going through some change.

Soooo....

2011-09-23T23:06:00.001-07:00

Random thought... I am going to ask my manager to switch to unloading (as in unloading merchandise from the trucks) because I would like a change from cashiering. Hopefully Walmart will live up to its name of letting their employees try new things. Or I might be seeing if Smiths or Target are hiring.

To the visitors of my blog:

2011-09-21T23:08:00.000-07:00

Please by all means leave a comment and introduce yourselves. I'm rather curious to know whos reading my blog in California and Illinois.

What I like about my new place

2011-09-21T17:50:00.000-07:00

1. Flat rate charge of $35 for all utilities including internet, air conditioning, electricity, water, ect.
2. Although the ac is loud when running it works and it works well.
3. I have my own room which although small is my own space and I can lock it with a key.
4. The location is great. I can walk to work and school because I live so close to both.

The Road Less Travelled

2011-09-10T01:14:00.000-07:00

Tension brewing high, I set off on the path much less traveled. The shattered memories of a familial unit lay in fragments behind me as I begin to climb. I come to a fork in the road. One path is beaten smooth by the constant use by travelers, the other nothing more than a mountain goat trail. In the middle of the fork stands a robed figure. The figure speaks in a raspy voice "choose your path well, both paths have good qualities but only one path is right for you. The other will eventually consume you and on both you will have to withstand the test of the purging by fire as well as other tests." Unhesitantly I choose the mountain goat trail, my ties to the world behind fragmenting and falling to dust.

As I climb the mountain goat trail I reach a cliff where another figure waits for me smiling with one hand behind her back and asks "Will you do something for me?". She reveals what she has hidden in her hand behind her back. It is a dagger. "Die!" she screams and leaps at me. A old memory triggers of this and I dodge and defend with a kick which knocks her off balance and she falls. I move on, another old memory falling in the dust behind me as I continue to ascend and climb.

The path is overgrown as it is not commonly traveled but I press on. I continue to climb the mountain. I pass landscapes of many different types of scenery. Snow and glaciers, sandy deserts with sand dunes, tropical forests... I press on...

"Dark they were with golden eyes, but in a twinkle they die."

It is night but I continue to press on as I am not tired but energized. The stars bright light shining down on the rocky terrain of the mountain landscape. Another figure emerges.

"You have passed the trials" the figure said. "You walked through fire and emerged victorious." "This path, the one less traveled, was the right path for you..." The figure disappeared in an orb of glowing light and I continued on, nearing the top of the mountain.

As the sun rose I reached the top of the mountain, I stretched my arms and in their place was feathers. I stretched my eagles wings and I fly, my past falling behind.

I will let you know when I can catch my breath

2011-09-08T23:39:00.000-07:00

Well I am finally standing up for myself and it is exhausting after spending a lifetime caving in to the whims of others, I finally am standing up for myself and I will let you know how it goes when I can catch my breath

I actually know someone in this music video

2011-07-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

SunStroke Project & Olia Tira - Run Away (Moldova)

2011-07-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

I love the Sax and Violin in this video.

Bandwagon Survey

2011-07-07T00:05:00.001-07:00

Since it seems like all my blogging friends are doing this I figured I might as well too.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Blue

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes I wouldnt mind giving my Aunt a kiss again

4.Do you plan outfits?
It depends on the occasion

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Kinda loopy and numb. Thats what I get for staying up late.

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
The numbers on my alarm clock

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
both

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I vaguely remember my youngest brother in it but thats about it

9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Hmm. There were all those random people on the bus when I went to the grocery store but I didnt talk to any of them. Oh I know the secretary in the residency office at UVU when I went to turn in some residency stuff.

10. What are you craving right now?
Well a starbucks coffee would be nice but its late and I do need to get up at 8 tomorrow and will be busy all day so I will pass on that. Hmm I know a good friend who lives nearby.

11. Do you floss?
Sometimes. I should more often.

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Whats the plu code for that (Im a cashier)

13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Years ago. I cant remember the actual time.

14. Are you emotional?
Sometimes. I wonder if Im bipolar as I have moodswings.

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Whats the taco song?

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yep in Elementary School and to annoy someone

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Both

18. Do you like your hair?
Sometimes but then there are days when I just want to bleach it white and put blue and green streaks in it but I dont think I could get away with that at work.

19. Do you like yourself?
Im still trying to figure out myself so I dont know

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yep some guy from the NFL who played for some team in chicago. (LOL you can tell how much I care about pro sports)

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Nope

22. What are you listening to right now?
"Cant take it" by All American Rejects

23. How many countries have you visited?
5. London England, Nogales Mexico, Amman Jordan, Saudi Arabia, and Bahrain :)

24. Are your parents strict?
OH yes

25. Would you go sky diving?
I dont think so. Not a big fan of heights

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
It would depend on the occasion and if anyone else was coming. If it was a big crowd then why not. If it was just me and him then no that would be plain awkward.

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
Possibly depending on the situation

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Does the light from my laptop reflecting off the walls in my room count?

29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Yes actually. Masmak Fortress in Riyadh Saudi Arabia. Its now a museum but it used to be one of the old homes of the Al-Saud royal family and was one of the key points of recapturing Riyadh when the Al-Sauds rebelled against the Ottoman Empire. Word of advice though do not go there during the middle of July as it does not have air conditioning and its made of bricks and dirt.

30. Do you rent movies often?
If netflix counts then yes

31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
Dont you have to be in a math class to have someone sit behind you in math class?

32. Have you made a prank phone call?
YEP!

33. Do you own a gun?
Nope.

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yes.

35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My pillow, my blanket, my fan, and my pillowpet dog rufus.

36. Brown or white eggs?
It doesn't matter. They're both the same.

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Yes.

38. Ever been on a train?
Yes the commuter train to College Park maryland and then the subway into DC

39. Ever been in love?
You know, I'm still debating on that one.

40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yep a sidekick which at the moment I am not too happy with because it reset itself and erased everything again!

41. Are you too forgiving?
Probably.

42. Do you use chap stick?
Yep

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Probably getting ready to move or packing for a trip to Korea.

44. Can you use chop sticks?
Not really but I probably could with practice

45. Ever have cream puffs?
Yep

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No

47. What was the last question you asked?
"Cell phone why do you hate me so?!"

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Hmm... Good question. I think for a music cd that would be an All American Rejects cd. If dvds count then the movie Sucker Punch.

49. Boys or girls?
You know Im not sure on that

50. What is your bus number for school?
I don't ride a school bus. I do ride the public bus system here quite often and the bus I take most often would be the 830 bus if this counts.

51. Is your hair curly?
Straight right now because its fairly short. When it gets longer it gets curly.

52. Last time you cried?
I know it was recent but I cant remember.

53. Ever walked into a wall?
Yep I am a klutz

54. Do looks matter?
Yes

55. Have you ever bought anything from PacSun?
Not that I can think of

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes who hasnt?

57. Favorite time of the year?
Winter or summertime around my birthday

58. Favorite color?
Red/blue

59. Are you sarcastic?
Its genetic

60. Do you have any tattoos?
No

61. The last person you held hands with?
Good question. I suppose handing someone their change at work could count.

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No

63. Where was your default picture taken at?
The courtyard at UVU by the fountain

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yes.

65. Do you like your life right now?
Mixed opinion

66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not very. I text all the time though.

67. What is your favorite animal?
I would have to say small dogs. Some fish just freak me out.

68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Groceries when I went grocery shopping today.

69. Do you have good vision?
Yes and I dont wear glasses so I would say at least decent.

70. Can you hula hoop?
Well I can just not well enough to keep the hoop spinning lol

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I don't know. It would really have to depend on what the context was.

72. Do you have a job?
Yep Im a cashier at a big one stop shopping place for groceries, electronics, pet supplies, and garden supplies and being close to two colleges and being located in the county seat metropolitan area we are usually always busy. Yet I like my job and my supervisors are awesome. Its nice to work with people who have a sense of humor so we can joke around.

73. Can you handle the truth?
I think it depends on what about.

74. What are you wearing?
A grey tshirt with a panther on it and grey and red shorts. Lounging on my bed if you want that detail too.

75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep.

The river

2011-06-28T00:37:00.000-07:00

First lets start this post with an awesome song called "The River" by Good Charlotte.

As I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of LA
The footsteps that were next to me
Have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
To know that beautiful things
Don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
To know this beautiful place
Isn't everything they say

I heard that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

You're from a small town
You're gonna grow up fast
Underneath these lights
Down in Hollywood
On the boulevard
The dead come back to life

To the praying Mother
And the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back
They'll come home stronger
And if they don't
You'll know

They sing that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

Baptized in the river (on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered
(on my own, on my own)

Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered Baptized in the river ( on my own) I wanna be delivered

I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered

I think this song parallels my life. Im from what used to be a small town in Maryland. However since its about 30 minutes away from D.C. its not a small town anymore and I dont know anyone from there anymore. There are days when I wished I had lived in the same place my whole life but that didnt happen so thats life. I know if I went back to Maryland it wouldnt be the same as I remember it from my childhood. I dont know anyone there, my childhood best friend is on a mission and hasnt been back to Maryland since he was a kid either. We also dont connect anymore since we hadnt seen each other since we were little kids till last summer when I showed up at his mission farewell which was fun to surprise his whole family. He didnt recognize me and his Mom thought I looked familiar and was shocked when I said who I was. I cant go back to Arizona either. I dont like the weather there and I would pass out there now because its summertime and I do not handle heat well at all and I really have no reason to go back. I dont really have any High School friends to hang out as in High School I was antisocial for various reasons one of them being I absolutely hated the High School I went to and it was a 30 minute drive away from where I lived and I didnt socialise with the people my age where I lived because they were cliquey holier than thou disfellowshippers to me. So I mostly kept to myself so I really dont know the first thing about socialising. As a matter of fact Im still trying to figure out who I am. HELP!

Did everyone die?!

2011-06-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

Ok did everyone die? We used to have long comment conversations on our blogs and that stopped several months ago and we havent picked it up since. What happened? I miss the conversations.

The contrasts of me

2011-06-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

The Old me
Papa Roach- "Last Resort"

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying

I can't go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are dynamite
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

I can't go on living this way
Can't go on
Living this way
Nothing's alright

The New Me
Three Days Grace- "I hate everything about you"

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?

Only when I stop to think about you,
I know
Only when you stop to think about me,
do you know?

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me?

I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?

____________________________________________________________________________________

The first song refers to how for a long time I hated myself and everything and seriously considered killing myself several times because my life was so bad. Now things have changed quite a bit and are improving dramatically so while I am still quite often bored I dont look at sharp objects and contemplate how to bring about an end with them. I've messed up as we all have at one point or another and I am learning from my mistakes.

As I flutter through life and learn more about myself my tastes have been changing. Im addicted to an amazing tv show called True Blood which is definitely not for kids or teenagers for that matter (AKA anyone under 18) I have a decent paying job as a cashier that I enjoy and it keeps me busy. I have an ok place to live but in a great location for walking to work at school when I start again in August and while I still have no idea of what I want to study I am looking forward to getting back into school again. College is so much better than High School and I hated High School with a passion of a thousand burning suns. I am also looking at possible steps in life and one possible step involves moving to another state closer to the East Coast. When and where I dont know but its just a possibility. I am an adult after all. I am free to have my own opinions and speak my own thoughts after all arent I?

And these last two songs are random but awesome! At least in my opinion. And for those of you who havent seen Trueblood the last video gives you a preview of what you are missing. (Not so subtle hint at Jared and Rachel lol)

I am becoming free

2011-05-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

I am a flower in a pot too small needing to be replanted in a larger pot.
I am a butterfly coming out of a cocoon.
I am a bird spreading my wings and learning how to fly.
I am a person once trapped by my past, learning to let things go.
With each chip away at the stone weighing me down I am becoming free.
I am an individual, a person, someone learning about themself and discovering themself.
One who is happy to have some space from family to be able to figure out what I really want in life. And my next big step might be a cross country move away from the Southwest:) to somewhere back East such as Maryland, Virginia, upstate New York or Ohio. Life is looking better and for the first time in years I do not feel numb at the moment.

Photograph

2011-03-30T21:44:00.000-07:00

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I've broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh oh oh
Oh God I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye

Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/n/nickelback-lyrics/photograph-lyrics.html ]

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when

Oh oh oh
Oh God I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it

I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me...

I love this song by Nickelback. Its helped me through a lot to move on from some things, and to say goodbye to others.

None of it matters

2011-02-24T11:04:00.001-08:00

Currently listening to: Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf

Its amazing how you can write something, save it and them come back to it later and none of it matters. I had a whole blog post written and I saved it as a draft and came back to it and none of it matters now.

Now listening to: Saving Me by Nickelback

Sometimes I just want it to end

2010-12-25T15:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just want it all to end. When I went to see a movie recently I was in a good mood before it started and during the previews before the movie there was some sort of commercial depicting a good relationship between a Father and Son which just depressed me and within a couple of hours I was feeling suicidal. I need to see a counselor soon if something as small as that is going to depress me. My father and I have not had a good relationship for several years and whenever I talk to him I hardly ever get to say anything because he just talks and talks which I know is just his way but it depresses me. I am a fly caught in a web that I cant get out of. I wish the spider would come and end it.

Fog and Mist

2010-10-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

The fog and mists are clearing.
The sands of time stirring
The cogs of life whirring.

The fog and mists that held me trapped for so long are fading.
My mind is becoming clear.
Many nights of restlessness have added up to something
While I lay awake pondering life.
Of decisions to make and options to consider.
I still have not made up my mind of what I want to do but my mind is becoming clear.

So...

2010-09-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

So I might be moving out in a few weeks because as much as I love my Aunt she is turning into a Mother and then tonight she said she will be becoming a parent because she feels that mentoring isn't working with us and its getting pretty bad already. So I just got hired at Walmart (full time with benefits pushing carts!) so I will have income and after 90 days of working at Walmart I get an employee discount card which will help and after 6 months I get the full walmart employee health insurance plan which apparently includes dental. Its time for me to move out. And I might be moving back to Thatcher next summer because strange as it sounds I am starting to miss Thatcher and I could finish my Associates Degree fairly easily there and I could transfer to the Walmart in town (if they have any positions open) after working for 6 months at the Walmart here. So I think its time for me to move out.

The Utah County DMV is a nightmare

2010-08-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

As I said above the Utah County DMV is a nightmare. While technically there are two here in Utah County, the second one which is in Provo is an express office where you can only do certain things such as drivers license renewals. Since I'm new to the state and have never had a Utah drivers license I had to go to the one in Orem to switch my drivers license to a Utah drivers license.

So when I finally find the DMV (where they have it in Orem is difficult to find and its easy to get lost trying to find it) first I had to fill out a form and then wait in line for close to 45 minutes at the information desk to say that I was new to the state and needed to switch my drivers license over from Arizona. I had to have two proofs of address, my Arizona drivers license, and my social security card and some other form of proof of citizenship. This wasn't an issue as I had brought a copy of my Birth Certificate and my US passport just in case but I didn't need my passport. For my two proofs of address it actually was easier than I thought it was going to be. I just needed a current paystub with my address on it and then I got a statement from my bank with my name and address on it.

Since I had everything I needed, they had me sit down in front of a camera and took my picture and then they gave me a number and had me sit down. 30 or so minutes later my number was called and I had to go up to another counter and show my documents again and they scanned them in there though the guy who scanned my documents said "so your from the doctor state huh?" (I was born in Maryland) When he saw I was confused he asked me what the abbreviation for Maryland was and explained that that was how he remembered the abbreviation. Then I had to pay 30 dollars and go over to another counter to get signed into a computer to take a written test which personally I think was illogical as I had a current US drivers license from a neighbouring state but since I already had a drivers license it was open book and I only missed one question so of course I passed. Then I went back to the counter and they printed off my temporary paper license because they mail your actual license to you several weeks later as I was told. So I switched my license over last week and they told me my actual license would arrive in 3-4 weeks then so I have about 3 weeks more to wait.

So in my opinion Utah needs to add at least 2 more DMVS to Utah County with at least one in the Southern end of the County around Spanish Fork and they all need to be full service DMVS. Also in my opinion they should print out your actual license at the DMV and not just a temporary paper one and then mail you the real one several weeks later. Save yourself some money Utah, you've already set up your schedules so government offices are only open 4 days a week so why not just get card printing machines installed at the DMVs and save yourself some money on postage?

Contemplations of Inequalities...

2010-08-05T01:55:00.000-07:00

It seems like I can never make up my mind and my plans are constantly changing as a result. Here I sit at nearly three in the morning because I can't sleep because I have too many things on my mind. Although I am not the best in the world at math, I can do math and I've been adding the cost of things up and realizing that I can't really afford to stay here in Utah and go to a public University with out of State tuition. There is BYU here but its cheap for members of the LDS church. My cousin is trying to convince me to transfer to BYU Idaho because its something like $1500 per semester there for church members so that is pretty cheap.

Ergh.... The US educational system really bugs me when it comes to residency and tuition. Why can't we be like Canada where there is one tuition rate at all public Universities for all Canadian Citizens and Permanent residents and another higher tuition rate for non Canadian Citizens and Permanent Residents. It would give us a whole lot more choice for Education Options.

For example in my birth state Maryland, in state tuition at University of Maryland is something like $4000 a semester bringing the grand total for 2 semesters a year to something around $8000 a year. For out of state students it is something like $28,000 a year. Not many people can afford that. I can't.

Also speaking of education we also need to switch to the metric system and stay on it as if I understand correctly, the US is the only country in the world which is not on the metric system. When it comes to international business we are losing money due to the fact that we have to convert everything to the metric system when doing business abroad.

So yes there is a possibility of me moving back to Arizona by next summer. At this rate I can't afford to stay in Utah. At UVU out of state tuition is $6000 a semester. For financial aid I get a pell grant and a subsidized student loan and a unsubsidized student loan and then the remaining balance which is about $1000 I have to cover myself which is doable. However I hate debt and even though these loans are going towards my education I still don't like being in debt which is one reason I am considering transferring to a Maricopa County Community College as I am still considered a resident there at least till after income tax filing time depending on if my Dad claims me as a dependent or not. At this rate it is quite likely he will. I need to start saving more anyways so I really need to create a strict budget and follow through with it.

However if I moved back to Arizona I would need to get a job lined up before moving back. Any suggestions anyone? Oh and I also need to get rid of some of my crap. I moved up here with way too much crap and it was a pain in the butt to move it up here. Some of it I'm probably going to be giving to my sister and my old clothes I'm saving for when my parents come to visit sometime before December to see if any of my siblings could use any of it and the stuff they don't want or need I'll donate to a thrift store.

Decisions Decisons...

2010-08-02T17:54:00.001-07:00

I moved away from Arizona for school reasons and now I'm thinking after I finish my Associates Degree in General Studies at UVU this year I might go to Scottsdale Community Colleges Culinary Arts program because I've been interested in Culinary Arts for some time. I could still get in state tuition in Arizona if my Dad claims me as a dependent however I'll talk to him about that when its time to file income taxes. However I still need to think about this as my plans change constantly.

2010-07-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

It seems like we've all dropped out of the digital world for a while. Anyways I'm a still looking for steadier employment as I am only getting a couple of hours a week at my current job and though I like working there, with only a couple of hours a week I can't even pay my basic expenses. I just signed up for classes this fall and am doing 12 credits. I'm taking math, portugese, and biology.

!

2010-07-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

Well I didn't realise this till I was about to log into twitter, but today is Disneylands 55 anniversary. On this day 55 years ago Walt Disney unveiled Disneyland to the world. I'd love to go again sometime. But Happy Anniversary Disneyland!

An Ocean of Nothing

2010-07-05T20:09:00.000-07:00

An Ocean of Nothing

I am nothing.
An ocean of words wash over me everyday and pass right through me.
I long ago gave up trying to comprehend these words.
Then again maybe I should not try to understand.

These words come from people who do not understand me and thus decide to make my life hell.
With all their cliques and drama they can keep it, I'll pass.
To them, the ocean I am nothing.
Merely a target to practice their idiocy on.
Swimming along.

I tuned them out and shut myself up in my shell.
I clammed up, gave up.
I'm not stupid, life there was pointless.
All of them the other fish in the ocean were clueless to what life really was.

They were wrong and will probably never realize that
They claim they are all different but they are still the same
People like them hardly ever change
And they never will understand that.
They are all fake.

So I left and I'm not coming back.
Perhaps someday for a visit but never to move back.
I'm done with the drama and the hell I went through.
I swam away from that Ocean of nothing.

Goodbye High School...

Extension

2010-06-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is sort of an extension of my last post. Anyways today I stumbled on this song while on youtube and I've really enjoyed listening to it. I think what I did with just packing up and leaving Arizona was best to start over fresh in a place where I could escape the drama that happened to me growing up. Sometimes simple songs like this are the best.

Why life is so much better after High School

2010-06-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Around the end of my Junior Year of High School this basically became my theme song. Now three High Schools later and after one year of College I'm thinking about this and while its true that the drama you see in High School never ends, life after High School gets way better. For example in college you are not usually sitting on your butt for 8 hours a day waiting for a bell for your next class to start. You quite often will have breaks between your classes or you may have 2 classes on one day and three on another. Quite often you will have less homework except requests by your Instructors to read over the material you talked about in class or read ahead for something you will be doing the next class. You generally have more time on your hands so you find things to do such as hang out with friends, find a job or whatnot. During High School a shell or a cocoon formed around me as that was the way I subconsciously chose to deal with all the stuff that goes on in High School so I basically shut myself up in myself and now I feel that that shell or cocoon is cracking and I am emerging. Bring on life!

High School

2010-06-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

Well anyone here feel like a rant about High School? I was listening to High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup and I agree with their song and a idea for a rant about High School came into my mind.

I got a new job...

2010-06-24T10:11:00.000-07:00

Well I applied at a small restaurant about a 5 minutes drive from where I live so I can ride a bike there and I just got a call today saying I got the job so I'll be putting in my two weeks notice at my current workplace when I go into work today and in about two weeks I'll be starting at a new job.

Yay!

2010-06-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

Well things are finally starting to look up! Today I got a job as a telephoner for a data research company. Translation: I'll be calling people asking them to do surveys over the phone for market research. I know its not the most ideal job but its a job and I'm not selling anything. So yesterday I went in for an interview passed that, went in to a presentation for the company today and passed the short and easy test on the presentation afterwards and tomorrow I get some training which I think I get paid for since I have to take in my direct deposit slip tomorrow filled out. Once I actually start work I'll be on a probationary period for the first two weeks of the job and after that if I do well which I think I will. This has just shot my confidence level through the roof that I was able to get a job in this economy. And also my Prince of Persia soundtrack which I ordered last week came today so I've been listening to that and its great. Of course I'm addicted to the movie and I'll be buying it once it comes out. Yay! Things are looking up!

My weightloss blog

2010-06-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

Kelly I've been so busy since I got out of school for the summer that I have not had enough time to update my weight loss blog. Anyways I'm thinking about closing it because I'm a bit behind on it and I do not have the time right now to keep it up.

My life...

2010-06-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

My life at the moment consists of doing all sorts of odd jobs around my Aunts house from mowing the lawn about once a week to moving her food storage downstairs to a closet she has for her food storage in the basement. On Saturday I was able to mow the front lawn but I had other things to do as well so I need to mow the backyard today. So my to do list for today is...
1. Finish mowing the yard and do the edging.
2. Clean out the garage.
3. Clean my bathroom (I need to clean it at least once a week anyways)
4. Clean my room and finish putting my stuff away.
5. Vacuum the house.
6. Reorganize the food storage closet downstairs so we can find what we need in there.

So while its not exactly a long list of things to do, some of these things are time consuming. Well I need to go get started. Backyard here I come!

How does this guy consider himself a world traveller?

2010-05-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

...It is people like this that make me question where I am really from. http://www.twincities.com/localnews/ci_15139346?src=yahoohome&nclick_check=1

This article talks about a man who at the age of 25 made it his goal to visit every country in the world. Personally that is sort of my goal as well. He has three countries to go which are Cuba, Somalia, and Libya. However my opinion is that he has not really travelled to these countries that he says he has gone to because he refuses to venture outside the cities, will not try local foods, and also always stays in specific hotels. He insists on Mcdonalds and French Fries. Also I am wondering how he managed to get into Saudi Arabia as we are a country that does not issue tourist visas. And I'm wondering how he managed not to get arrested in Lebanon or Syria for having visited Israel. Syria and Lebanon if I remember correctly will arrest you if your passport says you have visited Israel. There may be exceptions to that rule but I do not know what they are.

Its people like this that make me question my nationality and songs like God Bless the USA which I know is a patriotic song but I still question if I am American or not after reading about people like the guy in the article. A lot of Americans are always saying that the US is the best country in the world and I have doubted that for some time, especially after having living overseas. I think once I start school again I need to look into a study abroad program for a semester somewhere in Europe possibly in the UK or Ireland. At this point I consider myself American by birth, culturally however I am not however I am not sure what culture I belong to.

Update

2010-05-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

Well so far no luck with finding a job. I interviewed at Wal Mart and though the interview went pretty well I didn't get the job. Oh well its life and lets move on. No I'm looking elsewhere for a job. So right now I am doing odd jobs around my Aunts house such as yardwork and moving boxes of food storage to her food storage closet downstairs in her basement.

Weatherwise I am really enjoying it up here. Unfortunately I haven't really met anyone my age. What I mean is I have met someone close to my age but he lives in the St George area which is about a 4 hour drive away. His Mom and my Aunt have been friends for over 30 years and were best friends when they used to live in Virginia. In fact her husband and my Dad used to be room-mates when they lived in Virginia. So our families go pretty far back but I had never met them until I stopped for the night at their house on my way up to my Aunts house.

So all in all I think its been a good decision so far to move up here.

Well I made it to Utah

2010-05-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

I made it to my Aunts house in Utah yesterday and it feels weird because they are an hour ahead of Arizona timewise. I ended up stopping for the night Friday at a family friends house in the St George area because it took longer than expected to get to Utah thanks to the Hoover Dam which takes forever to get across and Las Vegas freeway traffic and I had to stop for gas in Vegas and there are a lot of rude drivers there. Well now if you'll excuse me I need to go finish making pasta salad.

Wow

2010-05-12T12:43:00.001-07:00

OK I was bored and on the internet and found out randomly that Chester Bennington the lead singer for Linkin Park lives in Gilbert about 10 minutes or 5 miles away from my old house there. How weird is that?

Disaster Zone

2010-05-11T13:54:00.000-07:00

My room at the moment is a disaster zone. I am packing up my stuff and at the moment am about 3/4 of the way done but I have stuff all over the floor, extra boxes that I no longer need because I repacked my stuff so it would fit better into other boxes so I wouldn't use so many and so that they would all fit in my truck bed. I've stuff my minifridge with clothing. I've also got some trashbags where I am going to stuff my bedding into and just load it into the cab of my truck when I leave. Basically my room is a mess at this point. I need to finish by tomorrow. Friday when I actually drive to Utah is going to be interesting. I'm starting over in a new place that I have visited a couple of times but never lived there. I know a couple of people up there but not like Maricopa County which had all the drama from my first High School which followed me down to Thatcher.

I'm leaving Arizona and hopefully for good! I might come down to visit but I have no intention of moving back down to Arizona any time soon. I have not really liked this State since I moved here in 3rd grade from Maryland and now I finally get my chance to get out of here. My only disappointment at this point is that I could not have done it sooner and that I am not moving back East to Maryland or Virginia. That will hopefully happen within the next few years though. I hope to be able to visit Virginia within the next two years at least. I might be moving there after Utah. My Mom and Dad want me to stay in one place and finish a degree but I miss living back East. I know its weird as I have not lived there for about 10 years now but I still have memories of green grass, summer rain showers, snow in the winter, the colours of the leaves changing in the fall and then the leaves falling off the trees, snowball fights in the winter, going to the beach in North Carolina and the water in the Atlantic is not freezing cold unlike the Pacific. Maryland and Virginia actually have 4 seasons, something that Arizona does not. Arizona has two seasons, warm and bloody hot! This state has not felt like home to me something that I do not think my parents have realised. Yes I know we moved out here for work and for my sisters health as the dryer climate here does not trigger her asthma but as I do not live with my family anymore I am ready to move on. The East is my Home, not the West.

!##$@@$@#@!*&%

2010-05-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm a little frustrated right now. It turns out my last final is on Wednesday evening and all of the rest of my finals are on Monday and Tuesday. I was hoping to leave here Wednesday afternoon, spend the night at a friends house in Gilbert and then finish my drive to Utah. I've asked my teacher if I can take the final early but due to some administration rules here taking finals early has to be approved by several administrators and that usually takes a few days to process. So its quite likely that I will not be able to take the final early. This is driving me nuts!

What is it with me and writing letters...

2010-05-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

Honestly what is it with me and writing letters. I wrote a letter to my Dad to let him know that I left the Mormon church and explained my reasons for doing so. I think it was a fair letter. Now I have not sent it. I just typed it up. Honestly I think it helped to be able to write my thoughts and opinions down. I probably will actually send this one this summer but after I get a job and get financially stable. I think this will be for the best and will allow me to be completely honest with my parents about my opinions on several subjects and religious views. Yes this is going to be rough but I do love my parents so I think it will just be best if I tell them. I've been nervous all this time since I left the Mormon Church on what will happen if I tell my parents but I think now is the time to tell them. I will just have to see what happens. I doubt my Dad or Mom will cut me out of the family though this may strain a few things.

Third Culture Kid

2010-05-02T22:42:00.000-07:00

I am now a third culture kid. A third culture kid is someone who has spent a portion of their life growing up outside their birth or home country. I lived for a year and three months outside the U.S. And since I moved when I was 16 I was still growing up. And in a sense I am still growing up since I am still learning about new things in college. I understand more than most about Islam and Middle Eastern Politics as I lived in that particular culture. I went to school with kids from all around the world. I was and am spoiled. Vacations for me usually involved going to another country which in my case was Bahrain a wonderful Island Country which I would love to go to again and possibly live there someday.

My Fathers job included great benefits such as full health insurance in Saudi Arabia and my insurance covers half of my costs here in the U.S. so if I have anything drastic I will have to go back to Riyadh, our health insurance provided us with some of the best health care in Riyadh at Kingdom Hospital. In Saudi Arabia it is quite common for hospitals to also include pediatricians practices, dentist practices, and various other medical practices that you would not normally see in a U.S. hospital. Our healthcare practitioners were usually trained at Western Universities in the UK, Europe, Canada, and the US and Australia and New Zealand. We got the latest medical equipment and our Doctors were up to date on the latest medical procedures. As for other benefits we got to live in a wonderful house in a great compound rent free and utility free so we could turn the ac as cold as we wanted without having to worry about how we would be able to afford the electric bill. Schooling was paid for over there though they did not pay for us when we went onto College or University. My Dads salary was tax free, there were no sales taxes over there, copyright laws were not enforced there so it was not too difficult to get movies. Yes there were some drawbacks such as living under Islamic law where in public I could not wear shorts and my Mom and sisters had to wear abayas because of Islamic Modesty laws and we could not easily get pork products as that is considered a dirty animal in Islam because traditionally pigs were fed scraps and garbage and its just a thing that goes back for over a thousand years. We could occasionally get pork products from people who worked at Eskan the US military base which was a bit outside Riyadh the capital city where I lived.

Then there was the food there. They had food from all over the world there because Riyadh is actually a very international city with so many people from various different countries coming to work there they would also bring their food preferences with them so its not hard to get food from all around the world there. I am addicted to a Filipino dish called Panzit which is basically a celophane (a very thin noodle) noodle dish with chicken and nuts or whatever is put in it, schawarma which the greeks ripped off and renamed gyros and changed it a bit, great hummus, and a flat bread called arabic bread (it was round like a tortilla) which is basically a really good version of pita bread and it was great to tear off strips of it and dip it in hummus.

Then there is Arabic music. I realised this morning that I had been listening to Arabic Music all day yesterday. Although I do not speak or read Arabic or understand much of it, I still enjoy listening to it and someday I do hope to learn Arabic. Unfortunately my current college does not offer Arabic language courses and neither does Utah Valley University, which is the school I am transferring to in the fall. They do offer Japanese though so I am going to take that. There are also a lot of languages I am interested in studying so someday I hope to be multilingual. I would like to learn Arabic, Japanese, German, French, Korean, Spanish, Tagalog, and Portuguese. This is obviously going to take me some time to learn all of these languages but imagine being able to converse with people in all of these languages. I think if I learned all these languages I would be in great demand as a interpreter in most places in the world.

As a third culture kid I do not really consider myself American anymore but rather a global nomad. I know that may seem weird as I only lived overseas for a year and three months but you would be surprised at how much you change by living overseas. I typically spell things the British way which is more common worldwide than the American way which as far as I've seen is mostly the U.S. that uses that form and occasionally Canadians will as well. I find that I identify with other nationalities such as Europeans rather than Americans these days.

Then there is my desire to travel and see new things. I have always wanted to travel for years and moving overseas to Saudi Arabia only made my travel bug worse. In fact it mushroomed as a result of living overseas. I'm sorry but I feel that many people in the US have a superiority complex because they have never lived outside the US, let alone been outside the US or North America for that fact. The US is not the greatest country in the world and people need to get their panties out of a twist about that fact!

Yes there are some downsides. For example I live in one country and my family lives in another which can make communication difficult since we live on different continents and in different time zones. International calls are expensive but fortunately there is email, letters, and skype and there are just times when you want to hear a family members voice which is where the phone and skype come into play. It is a bit rough starting college in a different country than where your family lives but it is doable. One of my biggest issues is that I never seem to have any money which I hope to remedy this summer by hopefully being able to find a job in Utah. Once I finish my college degree I will hopefully find a job overseas and move outside North America again. I don't think I could stay here for much longer anymore. Once I finish college I don't know if I could take living in the U.S. anymore. I've had a taste of life outside the U.S. and I want more!

On another note I think I would also like to go to graduate school. Where I am not sure possibly somewhere outside the US or somewhere back in the Eastern part of the US such as Virginia or Maryland. However I first need to work on getting my bachelors degree. My current goal is a degree in History. I would like to be a History teacher and teach World History. One thing I don't get about History degree is that it is mostly U.S. History Classes. That seems rather biased to me. There is so much History in the world that it seems unfair just to focus on History in the US. What about Europe, South America, The Middle East, Asia, and everywhere else in the world? I also think I need to study abroad for a semester or a year so I will need to check out what programs are available in Utah when I get there. First of all though I need money so I will need to get a job asap! I am tired of mooching off my parents and I want to be financially independent.

Curses

2010-04-28T09:18:00.001-07:00

I found a video on how to swear in several Nordic Languages. Who knew cursing could be so much fun lol. Faen!

Call it cynical but...

2010-04-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

I feel the parents of these shows such as Kate Plus 8 and 19 kids and counting should rethink their lives as this is monopolising off their children. Also I think the Duggar family needs to take a hard look in a mirror as they say they watch less television than the average family. I think that making tv episodes counts as watching tv and they claim they are an average family yet they ride around in a giant bus which costs a ton of money is gasoline alone to run it, not to mention the costs of maintaining it. So call it cynical but I think these parents really need to rethink their lives.

Well

2010-04-26T19:33:00.001-07:00

I've been feeling a little homesick lately and was watching videos from the Mid-East on youtube and this came up.

Why?...

2010-04-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

Why do I suddenly feel like going to Veracruz Mexico? The last time I felt something similar to this I was feeling like going to Mexico and my college was going on a daytrip to Nogales Mexico and I was able to go. Hmm... Maybe I'll be going to Veracruz sometime in the near future.

Well

2010-04-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

I've managed to lose a pound and I got back from the gym not too long ago and I feel sore.

So

2010-04-20T15:52:00.001-07:00

So I started a new blog to keep myself on track for weight loss so I actually stick it out to the end. The blog is davidlosethatflab.wordpress.com

Way Away

2010-04-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

Since I was introduced to Yellowcard in 8th grade they have been one of my favourite bands. One of my favourite songs is Way Away. The lyrics describe what I am going through right now trying to break free.

I think I'm breaking out
I'm gonna leave you now
Theres nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything

You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
You can't keep me here, I'm on my way
I've made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything

Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe

Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything

Music describes the emotions of someone or something. I am trying to break free and this song describes that.

Fading Away

2010-04-15T23:27:00.002-07:00

I've been noticing more and more lately how I seem to fade into the background. I'm basically a shadow at my college that fills a seat and turns in assignments. I'm hoping to go through a metamorphosis this summer where I lose the weight I need to (at least 40 pounds), start life over in a place where I know almost no one (the only people I know in the area I'm moving to are an Aunt and a Cousin), hopefully find and job and start at a new college. I'm hoping a change in geography helps. I have a tendency to be very shy and I'm hoping to change that a little. Now I have no problems with being cautious but I need to live life outside of a shell. I shall fade away from Thatcher in a few weeks and be done with Arizona. I'm wondering if I came down to Arizona in a year how many people would recognise me after I fulfil my goal of losing at least 40 pounds and getting into shape and being able to start swimming again without feeling self conscious in a swimsuit because of how fat I look. Its time to burn my weight off and burn bridges. Goodbye Arizona.

So

2010-04-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

So a friend of mine gave me a wireless mouse which is awesome but I've been quite impressed with the battery life. The battery is still 100 % charged and I charged it once since I got it which was Sunday. Now it has a wireless stand which plugs into my computer so thats how it connects but I haven't had to stick it in to charge since the first charge and its just awesome that the battery is still 100 %! On a side note I might be going to see Kick Ass tomorrow if they have it playing at the cinema in town.

So my box hunt begins...

2010-04-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

So I got two boxes already that I've found and I still haven't gone to the grocery store to ask for boxes. I need to do that sometime this week.

...

2010-04-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

I'm having mixed thoughts about moving out of State in a few weeks. I've wanted to for years and now I actually am going to be doing so. It wont be far but it will be out of this State. I have no plans to move back after I move out of this State though I probably will visit occasionally but I am going to be busy so it wont be often. This will be an end to my living in this state. Soon it will be the end. Fin.

Well this was certainly a surprise

2010-04-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

I was looking at a school in Canada and converted the cost of tuition from Canadian Dollars to US Dollars. In Canadian Dollars the cost was $5900 CAD per semester. In US Dollars it translates to $5902 USD. The Canadian Dollar has risen in value above the US dollar. I've never heard of that happening before.

School

2010-04-05T20:12:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for this semester to be over. Summer Hurry up and get here and help me get my assignments in on time!

Movies

2010-04-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

Today I was making a list of movies I'd like to get and now looking at the list most of them are Disney Movies. Yes I am a disney dork.

Channeling thoughts seems to work

2010-04-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was thinking that it would be nice to have some fresh homemade pizza. Guess what we were making that night at cooking class? Yep you guessed it, fresh homemade pizza. That was good. I should try channeling my thoughts more often.

Meh

2010-03-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to find silver linings in things or plus sides to things but its been difficult. I need to keep trying so I don't end up being one of those bitter old men you see in rest homes who are completely by themselves. Erghhhhh this is difficult.

I need to get a new laptop. I do like mine but I don't think it would be powerful enough for various new software and my laptop is only about a year old. I'll keep it for storage and as a backup though once I get a new laptop. Hopefully I'll be able to get one with a webcam and microphone built in. Though I've gotten a microphone to work (and that took forever to get it to work) I still cant get my webcam to work with Ubuntu linux which is what I have because when I got my computer it was a couple hundred dollars more to get one with Xp on it. I'm going to be hopefully working full time this summer to save up enough money to cover what my pell grant wont cover for UVU next year. Out of state tuition is about 5000 a semester and my pell grant will cover about 2500 a semester so I need to earn at least 3000-4000 dollars this summer to cover fall semesters tuition and then I'll hopefully earn enough by the end of the semester to cover the difference for springs tuition. If I can earn all the money I need for school this summer then I am going to save up for a new laptop.

And I'm also scheming about some projects that I'd like to do and I've been looking on the internet and found a website that sells the whole bolt of fabric (usually about 9 yards worth) for around 50 bucks depending on the material. Silk of course is more expensive and it was the bolts of cotton fabric I was looking at. I've also been price comparing on sewing machines and I looked on ebay and I'm wondering if it would be worth it to buy a sewing machine used on ebay. I found a couple that were good models in good conditions that would cost a whole lot more to buy brand new.

Silver linings

2010-03-30T10:57:00.001-07:00

I was reading my cousin in laws (well its my cousins wife) blog and she had an interesting post about her day yesterday which though it was crappy she found several positive points or silver linings in her day. Heres her blogpost.

"While we were at the dentist this morning, my tire went flat. At least it was after the appointment, AND we were in town close to the tire place, and NO cavities!! (-Though there was discussion of Sariah's impending orthodontia.)

When we went to get it filled, we found we were way overdue for new tires, AND an oil change. We've known this for a while, but at least we found out at a time when we could afford it (Though grudgingly. Seriously. Who wants to pay that much money for something as boring as tires?!) and that we were able to do it before we had a tire blow or something.

While we waited for the car to get fixed we went for a walk. (How awesome that the stroller was in the van!) It was cold and none of my kids had coats. At least it wasn't raining! (Or let's be real, we're in Rexburg, it could easily have been snowing.)

While we were walking a bird pooped. On. My. Hand. I'm not seeing a huge silver lining there, (at least it wasn't my head?) but I'm incredibly grateful for baby wipes. However, I am NOT grateful for sippy cups. A few minutes after that "fowl" incident I discovered that Helam's stupid sippy cup leaked all over my phone effectively destroying it. (Di-thanks for letting me use you as an emergency contact. My phone let me see that you said yes, but not reply. I'm glad you said yes, because I'd already put you.)

When we got home, it was 4. Helam, who usually naps at 11, went down for a late nap. (SO overdue.) I was supposed to get to spend my afternoon sorting and folding laundry, doing dishes, and rewinding the fishing line that Helam spread all over the house and organizing my craft room. That's really not happening. Neither is dinner.

Luckily, in about an hour I have a husband coming home who I hope has a lot of energy because he hasn't had to look for a lot of silver linings, while dragging "a multitude of blessings" (3) around town while getting pooped on today.

In other good news... before the dentist appointment, I got both the big bathrooms cleaned, scrubbed, and beautiful. (Baseboards too!) As I was getting ready to go, I tried on one of my old "skinny shirts" (that used to be way to small for me) and my skinny pants (Not to be confused EVER with skinny jeans, though they were jeans.) Both have now become my "fat clothes." "

Erghhhhhhh...

2010-03-30T10:40:00.002-07:00

I do not like the mattresses in my dorm. They are old and lumpy and it you sit in one spot for a while its creates a dent there. This makes it difficult to sleep on. So with this and a combination of going to bed late last night I did not sleep well and it was difficult to fall asleep. Then I haven't eaten today yet as I am on a two meals a day meal plan because eating breakfast at my cafeteria is not worth it. Lunch is in about 45 minutes though so its not too long from now.

On the plus side I now have my own room. My former roommate got moved downstairs and then his brother moved upstairs because they can't stand living together. Then my former roommate got kicked out of housing. For what I don't know and I don't really care at this point as he was an arse. So his brother moved back downstairs because his brothers room was empty so we both have our own rooms now! Though if I had to room with my former roommates brother again I would. He's a good guy.

Merlin

2010-03-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday on tv was a marathon of the upcoming show Merlin. Its premiering this friday at 10 pm on the sci fy channel. I watched one episode and I was hooked. Basically it goes into Merlins life as he is discovering his powers and his life in Camelot before Arthur takes the thrown. Merlin works as a servant of Arthur who is the crown Prince and Arthurs dad has banished magic from Camelot and anyone who is caught using magic is punished severely either by life in prison or death. So Merlin though he wants to use his powers has to keep them hidden.

Semester at sea

2010-03-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend of mine today and she told me that next Spring she is going to be doing a Semester at Sea through the University of Virginia. Out of curiosity I looked up the program and it looks really interesting. Now I think I would like to do this program too later on. However for a whole semester program the cost is quite expensive but the summer course is much more affordable. The regular semester program is $22,395 whereas the summer program is only $10,995. Hopefully I'll be able to get a scholarship or who knows some unknown rich relative of mine may die and leave me some money. I can hope.

So I turned a assignment in early..

2010-03-26T15:42:00.000-07:00

I'm taking Psychology 101 at the moment. Anyways I was checking the assignment sheet she posted online with the homework assignments and their due dates and I panicked because one projects due date said it was due today. So last night I did it and it only took me about 20 minutes to look up the information in the textbook and answer the five questions. I then submitted it and I was done. This morning I go to Psychology class at 8 (I'm regretting taking a class this early in the morning) and its a 50 minute long class and 30 minutes after class starts the teacher announces she is going to give us the rest of the class to work on our project. Well my classmate who was sitting next to me (he lives down the hall from me in my dorm as well) had already done the project as well and he looked and me and said want to go to breakfast? And then we just walked out of class and went to the cafeteria for breakfast. Lol.

Bahahahahaha!

2010-03-25T16:06:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm watching Worlds Strictest Parents where two spoiled teens from Georgia and Missouri have to go out and live for a week with a family in Moab Utah that has 12 kids but only 5 kids live at home at the moment because most of them are grown up. However this family owns a cleaning business cleaning businesses in the area and they all work so they can afford to eat. However when they make these two kids work with them and these two spoiled kids are in total culture shock because they have never had to work before. Oh this is funny.

I need a therapist

2010-03-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

I need to see a therapist, counsellor, or psychologist. When talking to my Dad he pointed out that from his observation I seem to have a combination of depression and emptiness. Hopefully I'll be able to do that this summer but I can't do that at the moment because I have no money and my insurance only covers half of any of my medical fees in the states which would help but I need money. However hopefully this summer I should be able to get a full time job and find a therapist or psychologist who has a sliding payment schedule depending on your income. I'm hoping this helps improve my life as I could use some improvement.

Does this seem weird?

2010-03-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

This is sort of a whim of mine but I'm thinking that when I have the money I'd like to buy a sewing machine and use it to make some throw pillows, pillowcases, blankets, and other projects. I've wanted to make some of these things for a while so I can have my own design but now I think I am going to do so.

Inner War

2010-03-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

I got the idea of Inner War off Jareds blog. I feel like I am going through one at the moment. With so much conflict going on inside me at the moment. As much as I love my family we are going in the opposite direction at this point in life. They are leaning towards their church and trying to become more spiritual whereas I on the other hand am not leaning towards it and am not very spiritual these days. I think that Crawling by Linkin Park describes part of the conflict/inner war I am going through.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling

I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Chorus

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Chorus (Repeat until end)

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling (Whispered during chorus)

Words and writing of others can describe things that we have a hard time describing ourselves. In this case Crawling describes the fact that I have some wounds from the past that are having a hard time healing. Although there are lots of nice people in the LDS Church I have met a lot of two faced people which when you take that and all the bs that happened to me in High School caused several wounds which still need time to heal. My Mother said that I haven't been happy for several years and I do believe that is partially true though thats not to say I haven't had happy or fun moments.

I feel like ranting about High School... I HATED it. I am so sick of drama from all the BS that went on from teachers who should have been fired,to bureacracy, to classmates who have their heads up their asses, to teachers who pick a couple of students to give good grades to no matter what, to students cheating openly and teachers and administrators letting them get away with it despite the fact that they say they do not tolerate cheating, to administration doing stupid things to your credits. I think that the best thing that happened to me was when I enrolled full time at Primavera and finished quickly through them and the teachers were willing to listen to my views and answer my questions. I know a lot of people look down at Online Schools but I don't care what they say Primavera is amazing. With the layouts of their classes, the helpfulness of their teachers and administrators as they really want you to succeed and they don't just sit there collecting a paycheck. They were also extremely flexible so if you finished the world early you got the credit and then could take another class and finish early if you wanted. I wish I could have gone to Primavera starting in my Junior year as I could probably have finished a year early. Oh I hated High School.

Now my brother is going to be attending Primavera soon and he is a Sophomore and he is going to be trying to finish as soon as possible. I think he could finish a year and a half early because he is really quite motivated and really works hard.

For the first time

2010-03-22T10:21:00.001-07:00

For the first time in several years I feel like I am regaining control of life. Its just been a good feeling today after answering several questions my Mom emailed me and explaining my point of view and then listening to several songs: Linkin Park-Crawling, Kamelot-The Human Stain, and Linkin Park-Breaking the Habit. Music takes the pain away. Well I need to go off to get ready for history 102.

Watching Harry Potter 5

2010-03-21T22:09:00.001-07:00

On tv. They got the perfect actress to play Umbridge.

Well I'm back

2010-03-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

I got back to my dorm room and its hot in here. Now why on earth would they turn on the heater when its been warm outside for the past few days here. This isn't making any sense. I need to get a fan in here as having the window open isn't helping much.

The end of my spring break...

2010-03-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

Well I move back into my dorm tonight and classes start tomorrow so this is the end of my Spring Break. It has been boring with exciting moments.

What to do with the rest of my spring break

2010-03-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well I've decided to be lazy for the rest of my Spring Break. I move back into my dorm tomorrow night and classes start again on Monday so theres nothing much for me to do in the meantime. So lazyness it is.

Heading back to arizona

2010-03-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

We stopped in Indio Cali for gas and now were heading back.

In Tuscon

2010-03-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

Whatev

Packing up

2010-03-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

Well were packing up the van to head to California

California here I come!

2010-03-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

In about 2 and a half hours I am heading to California and then tomorrow I'll be at Disneyland. California here I come!

I love travelling...

2010-03-16T15:21:00.000-07:00

I love travelling and seeing new things. I found a video on youtube that I feel describes perfectly why I travel.. To see the world.

I'm thinking

2010-03-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking that in about 2 years after I get back into shape and lose the weight I need to lose I am going to go to Europe during the summer and go backpacking for about a month. I've been watching this show on youtube put on by two guys called Germany vs. USA (one guys german and the other is american) and they were discussing backpacking around Europe and they mentioned several things that although would be a little expensive initially they save you more money. One of those things was the Eurail pass which depending on which one you buy is good for most of Europes train systems with the exception of the UK where basically you see a train you want to go on you just hop on. The pass for a month is about $789 US so its a bit expensive up front but when you consider what you would spend buying tickets everywhere you save a ton of money. Kelly let me know how Austria is because I would like to visit there as well.

These tuition hikes

2010-03-15T01:50:00.000-07:00

With all these tuition hikes in Arizona I am wondering where the hell they expect us to get the money to pay for this. Do they expect us to magically pull this money out of our asses when many students are already drowning in debt. Where the hell did concern for students go instead of greed and financial mismanagement. I just read an article about tution hikes for next year that are going to significantly increase tuition at U of A, ASU, and NAU. Well with ASU its no surprise as they do this every year but U of A and NAU? This is really ridiculous. Heres a link to the article

I'm glad I am leaving Arizona this summer and hopefully for good as this is completely ridiculous. Why should they raise tuition when we have one of the lowest educational ratings in the US? Were ranked 50th. Even Mississippi beat us (they were ranked 48th and Nevada was ranked 49th) heres the link to that

On Spring Break with nothing to do...

2010-03-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

Well as my post says I'm on Spring Break with nothing to do till Wednesday when I leave for Cali with some friends and on Thursday when we actually go to Disneyland. At the moment I'm staying at a friends house here in town because I didn't have enough gas or money to get gas to go up to Mesa anyways plus I'm still fighting with the DMV over vehicle registration stickers. I renewed the registration when I got back to the States and I don't have to go through emissions testing as that is only require in Maricopa and Pima County but I never received the sticker and Servicearizona is being a douchebag about it and I don't want to get a fine that I shouldn't receive for Servicearizona not getting off their lazy asses. I need to go into the DMV soon within the next week and talk to them about it.

I'm on Spring Break!

2010-03-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

Woot I'm on Spring Break. This coming week I'm going to Disneyland! I'm in a partying sort of mood and felt this song was appropriate for the mood I'm in.

Appreciate

2010-03-10T08:22:00.001-08:00

I enjoy going to my History 102 class and I am also a bit of a History nerd however a break occasionally from class is nice. What I appreciate about my History Professor is that when he is going to cancel class he usually sends us an email such as today because he got sick. That said I hope he gets well soon because I enjoy his class.

Jocks...

2010-03-08T12:18:00.000-08:00

Why is it that Jocks are allowed to get away with so much crap? For example a friend of mine was out walking one night recently and a group of jocks walked by and one punched him in the face. They got away with attacking him. That isnt right. And then there is the constant drug use at my college by Jocks. Before the Fall Semester had even started most of the Football team had failed their drug tests and yet they were allowed to keep playing. They were shouting about it in the cafeteria. Isn't one of the rules of College Sports teams that if you fail your drug test you get kicked off the team? Well they apparently don't enforce that rule here. This really pisses me off how Jocks can get away with this and be rewarded for doing so. Most of these people are the ones who were the Elementary School bullies and yet they were rewarded for being bullies in High School and now College. This system is unfair, biased, and discriminatory. That really burns my butt!

Choking on Spray Deoderant

2010-03-08T12:07:00.000-08:00

I'm choking on the fumes of Spray Deoderant right now. My roommate who I am hoping is soon my former roommate likes using Spray Deoderant. Now I have no problems with a bit of Spray Deoderant however when you spray it on like my roommate does its a choking hazard. I opened his window when he left so thats helping but seriously spraying it all over you is overkill. The stuff is concentrated so you only need a quick spray of it, maybe a second at the most. Its not supposed to be sprayed all over your body.

Edit: As of now my former roommate has been moved downstairs and his brother who is much more responsible has moved up here. I like his brother.

Just a thought...

2010-03-07T11:00:00.000-08:00

Life doesn't stop on Sunday even though its the weekend. Just thought I would put my two cents in.

Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

I am really pissed off at my roommate right now and I am hoping that he gets kicked out because I am not going to live with him any longer after he stole my keys and lied to me about them. However he could be charged with Grand Larceny because in addition to my dorm key being on the lanyard my car key was as well.

Disney on the Brain

2010-03-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to work on some homework for Psychology thats due tomorrow but its no use right now because I have Disney on the brain. Why you might ask? Because I have a very good chance of going there over Spring Break with some friends. As a result I've been google image searching disney and I liked this picture of the Disneyland Castle

Well I'm off to attempt to again work on my Psychology Homework. Zipa dee doo dah zip a dee day, My oh my what a wonderful day.

Music

2010-03-01T19:24:00.000-08:00

I was watching Extreme Home Makeover Home Edition and they did a home for a family in Kentucky with a 19 year old son who was blind and also was in a wheelchair. However he is a very talented Musician who plays the Piano, Can sing, plays the trumpet, and is on the Marching Band at the University of Louisville. Watching him sing and play the piano reminded me of a woman who I was in a weaving class last semester with last semester who was blind but also was very good at singing. People reach out in different ways and this woman and this guy reached out through music.

I'm impressed

2010-02-27T18:55:00.000-08:00

Well I went to Tuscon with some friends today on a tour of the University of Arizona... I have to say I was pretty impressed. Now I am going to go up to Utah and try school there but if I have to transfer back to Arizona for tax reasons as I am still a dependent of my parents I will probably transfer to the University of Arizona. I need to focus on getting my CNA (certified nursing assistant) license this summer though so I can get a decent job in most places and Tuscon would definitely have jobs in that field.