Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I am becoming free
I am a flower in a pot too small needing to be replanted in a larger pot.
I am a butterfly coming out of a cocoon.
I am a bird spreading my wings and learning how to fly.
I am a person once trapped by my past, learning to let things go.
With each chip away at the stone weighing me down I am becoming free.
I am an individual, a person, someone learning about themself and discovering themself.
One who is happy to have some space from family to be able to figure out what I really want in life. And my next big step might be a cross country move away from the Southwest:) to somewhere back East such as Maryland, Virginia, upstate New York or Ohio. Life is looking better and for the first time in years I do not feel numb at the moment.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Photograph
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?
And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I've broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye
Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/n/nickelback-lyrics/photograph-lyrics.html ]
Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me...
I love this song by Nickelback. Its helped me through a lot to move on from some things, and to say goodbye to others.
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?
And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I've broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye
Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/n/nickelback-lyrics/photograph-lyrics.html ]
Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me...
I love this song by Nickelback. Its helped me through a lot to move on from some things, and to say goodbye to others.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
None of it matters
Currently listening to: Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf
Its amazing how you can write something, save it and them come back to it later and none of it matters. I had a whole blog post written and I saved it as a draft and came back to it and none of it matters now.
Now listening to: Saving Me by Nickelback
Its amazing how you can write something, save it and them come back to it later and none of it matters. I had a whole blog post written and I saved it as a draft and came back to it and none of it matters now.
Now listening to: Saving Me by Nickelback
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Sometimes I just want it to end
Sometimes I just want it all to end. When I went to see a movie recently I was in a good mood before it started and during the previews before the movie there was some sort of commercial depicting a good relationship between a Father and Son which just depressed me and within a couple of hours I was feeling suicidal. I need to see a counselor soon if something as small as that is going to depress me. My father and I have not had a good relationship for several years and whenever I talk to him I hardly ever get to say anything because he just talks and talks which I know is just his way but it depresses me. I am a fly caught in a web that I cant get out of. I wish the spider would come and end it.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Fog and Mist
The fog and mists are clearing.
The sands of time stirring
The cogs of life whirring.
The fog and mists that held me trapped for so long are fading.
My mind is becoming clear.
Many nights of restlessness have added up to something
While I lay awake pondering life.
Of decisions to make and options to consider.
I still have not made up my mind of what I want to do but my mind is becoming clear.
The sands of time stirring
The cogs of life whirring.
The fog and mists that held me trapped for so long are fading.
My mind is becoming clear.
Many nights of restlessness have added up to something
While I lay awake pondering life.
Of decisions to make and options to consider.
I still have not made up my mind of what I want to do but my mind is becoming clear.
Friday, September 17, 2010
So...
So I might be moving out in a few weeks because as much as I love my Aunt she is turning into a Mother and then tonight she said she will be becoming a parent because she feels that mentoring isn't working with us and its getting pretty bad already. So I just got hired at Walmart (full time with benefits pushing carts!) so I will have income and after 90 days of working at Walmart I get an employee discount card which will help and after 6 months I get the full walmart employee health insurance plan which apparently includes dental. Its time for me to move out. And I might be moving back to Thatcher next summer because strange as it sounds I am starting to miss Thatcher and I could finish my Associates Degree fairly easily there and I could transfer to the Walmart in town (if they have any positions open) after working for 6 months at the Walmart here. So I think its time for me to move out.
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Utah County DMV is a nightmare
As I said above the Utah County DMV is a nightmare. While technically there are two here in Utah County, the second one which is in Provo is an express office where you can only do certain things such as drivers license renewals. Since I'm new to the state and have never had a Utah drivers license I had to go to the one in Orem to switch my drivers license to a Utah drivers license.
So when I finally find the DMV (where they have it in Orem is difficult to find and its easy to get lost trying to find it) first I had to fill out a form and then wait in line for close to 45 minutes at the information desk to say that I was new to the state and needed to switch my drivers license over from Arizona. I had to have two proofs of address, my Arizona drivers license, and my social security card and some other form of proof of citizenship. This wasn't an issue as I had brought a copy of my Birth Certificate and my US passport just in case but I didn't need my passport. For my two proofs of address it actually was easier than I thought it was going to be. I just needed a current paystub with my address on it and then I got a statement from my bank with my name and address on it.
Since I had everything I needed, they had me sit down in front of a camera and took my picture and then they gave me a number and had me sit down. 30 or so minutes later my number was called and I had to go up to another counter and show my documents again and they scanned them in there though the guy who scanned my documents said "so your from the doctor state huh?" (I was born in Maryland) When he saw I was confused he asked me what the abbreviation for Maryland was and explained that that was how he remembered the abbreviation. Then I had to pay 30 dollars and go over to another counter to get signed into a computer to take a written test which personally I think was illogical as I had a current US drivers license from a neighbouring state but since I already had a drivers license it was open book and I only missed one question so of course I passed. Then I went back to the counter and they printed off my temporary paper license because they mail your actual license to you several weeks later as I was told. So I switched my license over last week and they told me my actual license would arrive in 3-4 weeks then so I have about 3 weeks more to wait.
So in my opinion Utah needs to add at least 2 more DMVS to Utah County with at least one in the Southern end of the County around Spanish Fork and they all need to be full service DMVS. Also in my opinion they should print out your actual license at the DMV and not just a temporary paper one and then mail you the real one several weeks later. Save yourself some money Utah, you've already set up your schedules so government offices are only open 4 days a week so why not just get card printing machines installed at the DMVs and save yourself some money on postage?
So when I finally find the DMV (where they have it in Orem is difficult to find and its easy to get lost trying to find it) first I had to fill out a form and then wait in line for close to 45 minutes at the information desk to say that I was new to the state and needed to switch my drivers license over from Arizona. I had to have two proofs of address, my Arizona drivers license, and my social security card and some other form of proof of citizenship. This wasn't an issue as I had brought a copy of my Birth Certificate and my US passport just in case but I didn't need my passport. For my two proofs of address it actually was easier than I thought it was going to be. I just needed a current paystub with my address on it and then I got a statement from my bank with my name and address on it.
Since I had everything I needed, they had me sit down in front of a camera and took my picture and then they gave me a number and had me sit down. 30 or so minutes later my number was called and I had to go up to another counter and show my documents again and they scanned them in there though the guy who scanned my documents said "so your from the doctor state huh?" (I was born in Maryland) When he saw I was confused he asked me what the abbreviation for Maryland was and explained that that was how he remembered the abbreviation. Then I had to pay 30 dollars and go over to another counter to get signed into a computer to take a written test which personally I think was illogical as I had a current US drivers license from a neighbouring state but since I already had a drivers license it was open book and I only missed one question so of course I passed. Then I went back to the counter and they printed off my temporary paper license because they mail your actual license to you several weeks later as I was told. So I switched my license over last week and they told me my actual license would arrive in 3-4 weeks then so I have about 3 weeks more to wait.
So in my opinion Utah needs to add at least 2 more DMVS to Utah County with at least one in the Southern end of the County around Spanish Fork and they all need to be full service DMVS. Also in my opinion they should print out your actual license at the DMV and not just a temporary paper one and then mail you the real one several weeks later. Save yourself some money Utah, you've already set up your schedules so government offices are only open 4 days a week so why not just get card printing machines installed at the DMVs and save yourself some money on postage?
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