A new place

A new place, new name, new life. A place where I do not know anyone and nobody knows me. A place where I can be free to discover me and confirm my suspicions on such things. A new life, a new job, a whole different lifestyle, a new name, a new true me. I so want to do this soon. Im starting to save up and Im hoping that I can do this next year, away from the Southwest.



Who am I? Am I fat, skinny, anorexic, bulimic, chubby, a beanpole, a computer virus? Gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, bicurious, transgender,  etc? Wouldnt you like to know... Only I will know with time. Evil, manical, sadistic, megalomaniac, egotistical, insecure, kind, happy, generous? Tall, short, midget? Insecure vs secure? Uncertain, certain... religious, apathetic, unreligious, agnostic, atheist. Conservative, inbetween, liberal? Arab, Canadian, American, Mexican, German, Irish, British, Spanish, Greek? Nomad vs sedentary? Only I know...

Im gone next summer

So next summer I think I am going to disappear. Pack my stuff, get rid of a lot of stuff, and move somewhere where no one knows me, where I have no family members or contacts, etc... Im getting out of here! Time to start saving.

Life update

Things are so so these days. I've been working at the same place for over a month, it pays the same as my previous job which I lost. Well it pays the same during training that is. Next week when I'm done with training I get a raise, so while I will pay more in taxes, I also will be making more money so there is the tradeoff. My depressive anxiety is somewhat under control, though I did have an anxiety attack the other day occurring from a memory flashback that I would prefer not to visit again. I need to start seeing a counselor again. I'm moving down the street in a few weeks and other than that I have nothing to report.

Inside Im dying. I struggle to find myself. Im drowning in a sea of abyss, overflowing with bullshit, and the lies of people I used to trust.

I want to stop crying inside. I want to be me. Not something Im not. I used to think I had a small grasp of who I am. Now I simply don’t know anymore. I am literally alone in a sea of people. 

I want to feel. Some sort of feeling rather than feeling numb all the time. Not sitting alone in some dark corner of my mind. 

I want not to have these scars Emotional Abuse takes its toll. I’ve lived with it for 20+ years. With every day a piece of me chips off and goes away. 

I want to be able to trust again. But with my mind stuck in the past, dwelling on past incidents I have not been able to let go of. I want to be free of my past so I can move forward with my life. Yet I still dwell in the past. I want to fly and be as free as a bird, yet I cannot find my wings to take flight with.

I seriously just want to run. Run far away where no one knows me and build a life away from family drama.

Its time

I've decided its time for me to get off my lazy butt and get back into school and stick to it. I'm going back for a bachelors degree in Graphic Arts/Visual Media and while I know I will have to take out some loans for this program (I will need some special software and probably a macbook and a quality camera) even though I will be going to a local state University, I know it will be worth it in the end. Once I graduate I will be moving back to the East Coast, most likely to New York City, where I will work as a Graphic Designer/Visual Media Editor during the day and I will freelance and work a part time job as a server or a bartender to pay off my student loans asap and to build up my savings. Im looking forward to the next few years as they will be filled with interesting classes, an internship somewhere during the summer hopefully out of state (I've already seen a couple of possibilities but its still a few summers away) and then once I graduate, Im moving back to the East Coast and will be living in the City that never sleeps :) I will be able to get rid of most of my stuff and sell my car as you dont need a car in NYC.

Now I just need to book an appointment with my Universities guidance counselor to see what I need to do to get enrolled again and then figure out financial aid, class schedules, etc...

On another note, I started a photography blog as part of my portfolio that I will need for when I graduate and look for a professional job. Check it out at davidbriscophotography.blogspot.com

I am me

I am me. I listen to Lady Gaga, Nickelback, Linkin Park, Simple Plan, and whatever else I feel like listening to. I like photography, music, movies, etc... I am a person, an individual, a personality. I am me. And me is going out country dancing tonight for his first time! :)