Innocence

So I moved back to Arizona to attempt to reconnect with my family but yet I feel so apart from them even when we are in the same room sitting next to each other. I love them but i love them enough to let them go. Innocence was stripped away from me years ago and I know I can never go back to those days. I've come too far and seen too much to return to the innocent days. Once innocence has been lost it can never be recovered and I have lost my innocence.

Blow the dust away

Time to blow the dust off this blog and do a few updates.


I quit Red Lobster. I am now back currently working at my old retail job and while I am treated well and have decent managers and coworkers, I don't feel like I am going anywhere there, but its a means to an ends.

I'm starting Massage Therapy School in less than two weeks.

I really feel like this blog is going nowhere...

Breath

Breath

For years I’ve watched in silence,

 as you rip you heart out each day, 

in relationships that fade. 

As quietly as a breeze, 

I observed, day by day, 

knowing we can never be more than friends. 

I comfort you when you are down, 

you ignore me till you are down and then I’m the one you call. 

The tall quiet one. 

But eventually relationships fade, 

and like a breeze I blow away...

I need to work up the courage to ask my boss for more hours as opposed to her cutting my hours.

Building a new life for myself

I've decided that its time to start somewhere new where I do not know anyone and build a new life for myself. I have to live near the ocean because I really need that in my life again so it has to be the Coastal Western US or the Coastal Eastern US. I am so out of the Southwest late this coming Spring or early into Summer. Edit: Well I had a job interview at a place here in Utah on Monday and I got a callback from them today, saying that they wanted me to come in for another interview on Saturday. I will take that as a good sign that things are finally working out for me. I think I have figured out where I want to move to but to make it happen, I need to get this job that I have a second interview for, save up either enough for a large car downpayment or enough to buy a decent used car in cash, save up enough to have money for moving and first and last months rent and deposits and whatnot, pay off some bills here and get things straightened out so I can move, get rid of stuff so I only have a few things to take with me when I move. I need to get out of here by late spring or early summer so lets make this happen!

Adieu...

I bid thee adieu childhood friend. I doubt you will ever read this but thank you for everything. We grew up in the same neighborhood back East, two houses down from Each other and our backyards touched each others, Remember those days we climbed the fence and stood at the top to talk to each other. Playing in the sandbox, making sandcastles and being carefree little kids. Our birthdays being within a few weeks of each other, riding bikes together, snowball fights, sledding down the big hill near our houses, I remember all of that fondly. We both moved out of state around the same time, you to Taiwan, and me to Arizona.... Years passed, you found me on myspace early in High School. We reconnected briefly and then all communication dropped. We later connected again briefly on facebook several years later. I came to your mission farewell and surprised you and your family. It was clear at that point while it was nice to see each other again, we could never again be best friends, rather we would remain acquaintances who were childhood best friends. I see on facebook that you are back from your mission and are back in town and apparently now engaged. I say congratulations to you and I bid thee adieu and good luck my childhood friend. Thanks for the memories. Currently listening: Fall out Boy- Thanks for the Memories

I am so confused right now

I am so confused about life right now. Being unemployed has given me a ton of timebto think about what I want to do in life and quite honestly I don't know what I want to do anymore. With everything thats been going on in my life the past few months from family drama, to being unemployed and worrying about how Im going to make ends meet, it's made me loose track of what I want for myself. For a while I wanted to be a nurse, a massage therapist, a chiropractor, a teacher abd now I don't know what I want to be. I also found out that my best friend is moving back to Boise in January so I no longer have a real reason to stay in Utah anymore but at the same time I dont know if I should pick up and move to Boise like I've thought about or, simply oacking up and movong somewhere I really want to move to. My relationship with my parents isnt getting any better so I need to do something for myself but, I can't figure out what. I am just so confused right now and I really can't figure out what to do for myself.