Crawling

After taking a few days to think about an email my Dad sent me asking me some hard and fast questions about where exactly am I going in life I've found that what's going on can be described by Linkin Park's song "Crawling." My life is getting pulled in so many directions right now. I responded to my Dads email and now I am glad I took some time to think about what I needed to say as he recommended. It definitely helped. However now I still feel like my life is still being pulled in several directions. On one side my Dad wants me to follow the religion he raised me in, a religion in which I was stabbed in the back multiple times and I was lied to straight to my face. While I didn't let him know that I had left that religion, I did let him know that I saw no point in following a religion where the members of which have stabbed me in the back multiple times. His religion is not for me and I still have scars which need time to heal. How much time I don't know but it is definitely going to be a while to heal from all the bullshit I went through.

I also let him know that I still do not agree with the move from Maryland to Arizona though I do understand some of the reasons such as my little sister who has asthma would get very sick during the winter as the cold weather during the winter would trigger asthma attacks for her and she would end up in the hospital as a result. Then she also had allergies. Apparently out of the 50 most common allergies 48 of the 50 allergens are native to the Maryland/Virginia area. My youngest sister is also allergic to the Mums family including the Chrysanthemum flower. Those grow all over back East.

While this move may have been good for my sisters health, I do not feel it has been good for me. I do not think I fit here its like trying to fit a square in a round hole, I've lived here in Arizona for about 9 years and it is just not working out for me here. I know this sounds selfish and whiny but I do need to take care of myself. However I've been holding this in for so long that I need to start releasing it. I may not be the best or most creative writer in the world but I write to release tension, a lot of which has been building up in my life lately.

Muses of Ancient Greece, I need inspiration. I've been without it for some time now and I could use some please. I need to straighten out the knots in my life and move on. In the Greece you inspired much in literature, writing, art, science, and many others things. Please don't lay dormant any more I need your help. I need your help to find the true me which is buried under the rubble of life. I need more than just a shovel I need a team of bulldozers to clear this rubble away.

On a side note the other day I got an email from the Disney After High School Program that I applied to a while back asking to set up an interview. While I was interested in the program at the time I applied now I do not know if I want to do the after High School program or wait and do the college program. Muses I could really use some major help now!