Well I've done a bit of baking before but never to the extent that I am planning to do this Christmas. I'm planning on making
Coffeecake (this actually doesnt contain coffee lol, traditionally its served with coffee. Im going to be using my Great Aunts recipe which is amazing :) )
Sugar Cookies
Shortbread Cookies
Lemon-cake
Gingerbread Cookies
Gingerbread men
Banana bread
Zucchini Bread
Snickerdoodles
Fudge
Chocolate Chip Cookies
I would like to do peanut butter cookies but Im going to be with my family who lives about half an hour away and she has a slight allergy to peanuts where she gets canker sores. Thankfully its not as severe as peanut allergys can be but still nonetheless I will not be bringing peanut butter cookies with me. However I might make a batch of them for myself to enjoy at home :)
With this I have a few things I need to shop for such as some baking pans and another baking tray. I also need to get a special baking pan for making coffeecake so I am definitely am going to start poking around thrift stores for baking pans and whatnot. This is going to be fun
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Retail Rant :)
At my previous job (I start my new job monday :) ) I worked retail at a large box store and while there were some things I liked about it (quite a few of the people I worked with) there were also some things I absolutely hated about it (certain company policies, a coworker who was a bitch before she became a supervisor and after she got promoted it went to her head and she was unbearable, etc...) and I found this video on youtube by a guy in Canada who also works retail and I have to say it mirrors quite a few of my feelings about working retail.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Got a new job!
Well I got a new job in Salt Lake at a call center taking inbound calls for international travel reservations. It pays 70 cents more an hour than what Im currently getting plus it offers commission opportunities for upselling hotel packages, for example someone calls wanting to book a room and I suggest they include a breakfast package with that hotel room, I get a commission if they decide to go with that. So I put my two weeks notice in at my current job yesterday which kind of surprised our HR lady but she took it nicely because I was very nice about it and had written a polite letter of resignation/two weeks notice. I'm going to miss my friends from my current job but I'm looking forward to new opportunities working in a field I have personal experience in having lived overseas in the Middle East. I visited Bahrain quite often so I have my personal preferences about what to do in that Island Kingdom and its soo much fun there. One of these days I wouldnt mind leading a guided tour there and in Europe. My next international travel experience outside of North America is hopefully going to be Ireland in about two years depending on if I can save up the money or if I can do a study abroad program with school. I really want to see The Emerald Isles or the Motherland as I call it as my Moms family came from Ireland in the early 1900s and shes full Irish and my Dads part Irish so I am over half Irish and its kind of obvious at times with my skin tone and hair tint. I've actually met some people from Ireland and it turns out I am more Irish then them because their families have been marrying people from all over Europe for years as opposed to my Moms family who when they came over to the States from Ireland settled in the New York City area and it seems like they mostly stayed in the Irish areas.
So I am looking forward to how my life will be in the next few months.
Currently listening to: Alexander Rybak- Roll with The Wind
So I am looking forward to how my life will be in the next few months.
Currently listening to: Alexander Rybak- Roll with The Wind
Monday, November 14, 2011
And the job search goes on
I've decided the next step in my life will be moving to Salt Lake City from where I am presently living in Utah so I have been jobhunting and actually had a couple of interviews already. One was for a tanning salon at which I thought I would be answering the phones, cleaning the tanning beds, helping customers, and keeping the place clean, but noooo.... It was a sales scam which I started to realise when I came in for the interview and it started with a sales presentation. About half an hour into the group interview I decided that this was definitely not for me so I raised my hand and said "I'm sorry this job is not for me" and then left. The second interview was with a hotel reservation company call center which was the one I really wanted to get because I love to travel so I think working in a call center doing hotel reservations would be really fun. It paid 10 bucks an hour plus commissions for upselling hotel packages such as selling a breakfast package with a hotel room. The interview went really well and they wanted to hire me after I scored in the top two on their call center assessment tests but unfortunately their training class had just filled up and their next class wouldnt be starting till sometime early next year. So they gave me their business card and told them to give them a call early in January and I would have an extremely good chance at getting hired on with them. What I also liked about their location is that it was pretty close to the trax stop (Utahs high speed lightrail) so I could get their via public transportation and save a lot on gas and also do my body some good by walking more. Thats one thing I really like about Salt Lake, you can usually get most places easily by public transportation and a bit of walking.
But onto continuing my job hunt. I just saw another job posting with another company that does hotel reservations internationally that I intend to put in an application to.
Currently listening to: Dance with the Devil by Breaking Benjamin
But onto continuing my job hunt. I just saw another job posting with another company that does hotel reservations internationally that I intend to put in an application to.
Currently listening to: Dance with the Devil by Breaking Benjamin
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Oh joy
I really need to see a doctor about not being able to sleep... and a chiropractor. This sucks when I really want to sleep but cant and then I eventually pass out from sheer exhaustion. Why is it impossible to get a nights sleep without being in pain!?!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
I need to escape
Things are not working out for me here. I have a decent job but things got so out of hand I dropped out of school and I just need to escape this place next summer. So I'm looking for a second job at the moment to pay off my bills and to start saving up so I can get out of here. I need to disappear for a while when I move and I dont know where I will be moving to.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
4 am
4 am and I still cant sleep. The insomnia is getting worse. I should be asleep relieved and happy by the past few days events... My lab results came back negative meaning I dont have diabetes like I thought, I had a blast the other night going to Ihop at night with a group of friends from work and were talking about making it an annual thing on every payday. But I think the underlying factor to why I cant sleep is stress. Stress over family and communication, school, life... I'm still trying to figure out solutions to each thing and yet I cant figure out solutions at the moment. I know I will figure it out eventually but at the moment I digress.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Update
Hmm. Well I decided to look around for a new job to see what I can find. I've worked at the same place for over a year now and while its a good job, I'm a bit bored working there and want to see if I can find something else. So I've been tweaking my resume and applying for a few jobs online.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Changes...
So today I was thinking and realised that I've made quite a few subtle changes in my life recently. I got a new bedspread, some new clothes, changed my hair, lost some weight. Its definitely interesting to see myself going through some change.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Soooo....
Random thought... I am going to ask my manager to switch to unloading (as in unloading merchandise from the trucks) because I would like a change from cashiering. Hopefully Walmart will live up to its name of letting their employees try new things. Or I might be seeing if Smiths or Target are hiring.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
To the visitors of my blog:
Please by all means leave a comment and introduce yourselves. I'm rather curious to know whos reading my blog in California and Illinois.
What I like about my new place
1. Flat rate charge of $35 for all utilities including internet, air conditioning, electricity, water, ect.
2. Although the ac is loud when running it works and it works well.
3. I have my own room which although small is my own space and I can lock it with a key.
4. The location is great. I can walk to work and school because I live so close to both.
2. Although the ac is loud when running it works and it works well.
3. I have my own room which although small is my own space and I can lock it with a key.
4. The location is great. I can walk to work and school because I live so close to both.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The Road Less Travelled
Tension brewing high, I set off on the path much less traveled. The shattered memories of a familial unit lay in fragments behind me as I begin to climb. I come to a fork in the road. One path is beaten smooth by the constant use by travelers, the other nothing more than a mountain goat trail. In the middle of the fork stands a robed figure. The figure speaks in a raspy voice "choose your path well, both paths have good qualities but only one path is right for you. The other will eventually consume you and on both you will have to withstand the test of the purging by fire as well as other tests." Unhesitantly I choose the mountain goat trail, my ties to the world behind fragmenting and falling to dust.
As I climb the mountain goat trail I reach a cliff where another figure waits for me smiling with one hand behind her back and asks "Will you do something for me?". She reveals what she has hidden in her hand behind her back. It is a dagger. "Die!" she screams and leaps at me. A old memory triggers of this and I dodge and defend with a kick which knocks her off balance and she falls. I move on, another old memory falling in the dust behind me as I continue to ascend and climb.
The path is overgrown as it is not commonly traveled but I press on. I continue to climb the mountain. I pass landscapes of many different types of scenery. Snow and glaciers, sandy deserts with sand dunes, tropical forests... I press on...
"Dark they were with golden eyes, but in a twinkle they die."
It is night but I continue to press on as I am not tired but energized. The stars bright light shining down on the rocky terrain of the mountain landscape. Another figure emerges.
"You have passed the trials" the figure said. "You walked through fire and emerged victorious." "This path, the one less traveled, was the right path for you..." The figure disappeared in an orb of glowing light and I continued on, nearing the top of the mountain.
As the sun rose I reached the top of the mountain, I stretched my arms and in their place was feathers. I stretched my eagles wings and I fly, my past falling behind.
As I climb the mountain goat trail I reach a cliff where another figure waits for me smiling with one hand behind her back and asks "Will you do something for me?". She reveals what she has hidden in her hand behind her back. It is a dagger. "Die!" she screams and leaps at me. A old memory triggers of this and I dodge and defend with a kick which knocks her off balance and she falls. I move on, another old memory falling in the dust behind me as I continue to ascend and climb.
The path is overgrown as it is not commonly traveled but I press on. I continue to climb the mountain. I pass landscapes of many different types of scenery. Snow and glaciers, sandy deserts with sand dunes, tropical forests... I press on...
"Dark they were with golden eyes, but in a twinkle they die."
It is night but I continue to press on as I am not tired but energized. The stars bright light shining down on the rocky terrain of the mountain landscape. Another figure emerges.
"You have passed the trials" the figure said. "You walked through fire and emerged victorious." "This path, the one less traveled, was the right path for you..." The figure disappeared in an orb of glowing light and I continued on, nearing the top of the mountain.
As the sun rose I reached the top of the mountain, I stretched my arms and in their place was feathers. I stretched my eagles wings and I fly, my past falling behind.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I will let you know when I can catch my breath
Well I am finally standing up for myself and it is exhausting after spending a lifetime caving in to the whims of others, I finally am standing up for myself and I will let you know how it goes when I can catch my breath
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Bandwagon Survey
Since it seems like all my blogging friends are doing this I figured I might as well too.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Blue
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes I wouldnt mind giving my Aunt a kiss again
4.Do you plan outfits?
It depends on the occasion
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Kinda loopy and numb. Thats what I get for staying up late.
6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
The numbers on my alarm clock
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
both
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I vaguely remember my youngest brother in it but thats about it
9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Hmm. There were all those random people on the bus when I went to the grocery store but I didnt talk to any of them. Oh I know the secretary in the residency office at UVU when I went to turn in some residency stuff.
10. What are you craving right now?
Well a starbucks coffee would be nice but its late and I do need to get up at 8 tomorrow and will be busy all day so I will pass on that. Hmm I know a good friend who lives nearby.
11. Do you floss?
Sometimes. I should more often.
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Whats the plu code for that (Im a cashier)
13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Years ago. I cant remember the actual time.
14. Are you emotional?
Sometimes. I wonder if Im bipolar as I have moodswings.
15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Whats the taco song?
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yep in Elementary School and to annoy someone
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Both
18. Do you like your hair?
Sometimes but then there are days when I just want to bleach it white and put blue and green streaks in it but I dont think I could get away with that at work.
19. Do you like yourself?
Im still trying to figure out myself so I dont know
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yep some guy from the NFL who played for some team in chicago. (LOL you can tell how much I care about pro sports)
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Nope
22. What are you listening to right now?
"Cant take it" by All American Rejects
23. How many countries have you visited?
5. London England, Nogales Mexico, Amman Jordan, Saudi Arabia, and Bahrain :)
24. Are your parents strict?
OH yes
25. Would you go sky diving?
I dont think so. Not a big fan of heights
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
It would depend on the occasion and if anyone else was coming. If it was a big crowd then why not. If it was just me and him then no that would be plain awkward.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
Possibly depending on the situation
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Does the light from my laptop reflecting off the walls in my room count?
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Yes actually. Masmak Fortress in Riyadh Saudi Arabia. Its now a museum but it used to be one of the old homes of the Al-Saud royal family and was one of the key points of recapturing Riyadh when the Al-Sauds rebelled against the Ottoman Empire. Word of advice though do not go there during the middle of July as it does not have air conditioning and its made of bricks and dirt.
30. Do you rent movies often?
If netflix counts then yes
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
Dont you have to be in a math class to have someone sit behind you in math class?
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
YEP!
33. Do you own a gun?
Nope.
34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yes.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My pillow, my blanket, my fan, and my pillowpet dog rufus.
36. Brown or white eggs?
It doesn't matter. They're both the same.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Yes.
38. Ever been on a train?
Yes the commuter train to College Park maryland and then the subway into DC
39. Ever been in love?
You know, I'm still debating on that one.
40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yep a sidekick which at the moment I am not too happy with because it reset itself and erased everything again!
41. Are you too forgiving?
Probably.
42. Do you use chap stick?
Yep
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Probably getting ready to move or packing for a trip to Korea.
44. Can you use chop sticks?
Not really but I probably could with practice
45. Ever have cream puffs?
Yep
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No
47. What was the last question you asked?
"Cell phone why do you hate me so?!"
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Hmm... Good question. I think for a music cd that would be an All American Rejects cd. If dvds count then the movie Sucker Punch.
49. Boys or girls?
You know Im not sure on that
50. What is your bus number for school?
I don't ride a school bus. I do ride the public bus system here quite often and the bus I take most often would be the 830 bus if this counts.
51. Is your hair curly?
Straight right now because its fairly short. When it gets longer it gets curly.
52. Last time you cried?
I know it was recent but I cant remember.
53. Ever walked into a wall?
Yep I am a klutz
54. Do looks matter?
Yes
55. Have you ever bought anything from PacSun?
Not that I can think of
56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes who hasnt?
57. Favorite time of the year?
Winter or summertime around my birthday
58. Favorite color?
Red/blue
59. Are you sarcastic?
Its genetic
60. Do you have any tattoos?
No
61. The last person you held hands with?
Good question. I suppose handing someone their change at work could count.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No
63. Where was your default picture taken at?
The courtyard at UVU by the fountain
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yes.
65. Do you like your life right now?
Mixed opinion
66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not very. I text all the time though.
67. What is your favorite animal?
I would have to say small dogs. Some fish just freak me out.
68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Groceries when I went grocery shopping today.
69. Do you have good vision?
Yes and I dont wear glasses so I would say at least decent.
70. Can you hula hoop?
Well I can just not well enough to keep the hoop spinning lol
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I don't know. It would really have to depend on what the context was.
72. Do you have a job?
Yep Im a cashier at a big one stop shopping place for groceries, electronics, pet supplies, and garden supplies and being close to two colleges and being located in the county seat metropolitan area we are usually always busy. Yet I like my job and my supervisors are awesome. Its nice to work with people who have a sense of humor so we can joke around.
73. Can you handle the truth?
I think it depends on what about.
74. What are you wearing?
A grey tshirt with a panther on it and grey and red shorts. Lounging on my bed if you want that detail too.
75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Blue
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes I wouldnt mind giving my Aunt a kiss again
4.Do you plan outfits?
It depends on the occasion
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Kinda loopy and numb. Thats what I get for staying up late.
6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
The numbers on my alarm clock
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
both
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I vaguely remember my youngest brother in it but thats about it
9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Hmm. There were all those random people on the bus when I went to the grocery store but I didnt talk to any of them. Oh I know the secretary in the residency office at UVU when I went to turn in some residency stuff.
10. What are you craving right now?
Well a starbucks coffee would be nice but its late and I do need to get up at 8 tomorrow and will be busy all day so I will pass on that. Hmm I know a good friend who lives nearby.
11. Do you floss?
Sometimes. I should more often.
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Whats the plu code for that (Im a cashier)
13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Years ago. I cant remember the actual time.
14. Are you emotional?
Sometimes. I wonder if Im bipolar as I have moodswings.
15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Whats the taco song?
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yep in Elementary School and to annoy someone
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Both
18. Do you like your hair?
Sometimes but then there are days when I just want to bleach it white and put blue and green streaks in it but I dont think I could get away with that at work.
19. Do you like yourself?
Im still trying to figure out myself so I dont know
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yep some guy from the NFL who played for some team in chicago. (LOL you can tell how much I care about pro sports)
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Nope
22. What are you listening to right now?
"Cant take it" by All American Rejects
23. How many countries have you visited?
5. London England, Nogales Mexico, Amman Jordan, Saudi Arabia, and Bahrain :)
24. Are your parents strict?
OH yes
25. Would you go sky diving?
I dont think so. Not a big fan of heights
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
It would depend on the occasion and if anyone else was coming. If it was a big crowd then why not. If it was just me and him then no that would be plain awkward.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
Possibly depending on the situation
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Does the light from my laptop reflecting off the walls in my room count?
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Yes actually. Masmak Fortress in Riyadh Saudi Arabia. Its now a museum but it used to be one of the old homes of the Al-Saud royal family and was one of the key points of recapturing Riyadh when the Al-Sauds rebelled against the Ottoman Empire. Word of advice though do not go there during the middle of July as it does not have air conditioning and its made of bricks and dirt.
30. Do you rent movies often?
If netflix counts then yes
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
Dont you have to be in a math class to have someone sit behind you in math class?
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
YEP!
33. Do you own a gun?
Nope.
34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yes.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My pillow, my blanket, my fan, and my pillowpet dog rufus.
36. Brown or white eggs?
It doesn't matter. They're both the same.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Yes.
38. Ever been on a train?
Yes the commuter train to College Park maryland and then the subway into DC
39. Ever been in love?
You know, I'm still debating on that one.
40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yep a sidekick which at the moment I am not too happy with because it reset itself and erased everything again!
41. Are you too forgiving?
Probably.
42. Do you use chap stick?
Yep
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Probably getting ready to move or packing for a trip to Korea.
44. Can you use chop sticks?
Not really but I probably could with practice
45. Ever have cream puffs?
Yep
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No
47. What was the last question you asked?
"Cell phone why do you hate me so?!"
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Hmm... Good question. I think for a music cd that would be an All American Rejects cd. If dvds count then the movie Sucker Punch.
49. Boys or girls?
You know Im not sure on that
50. What is your bus number for school?
I don't ride a school bus. I do ride the public bus system here quite often and the bus I take most often would be the 830 bus if this counts.
51. Is your hair curly?
Straight right now because its fairly short. When it gets longer it gets curly.
52. Last time you cried?
I know it was recent but I cant remember.
53. Ever walked into a wall?
Yep I am a klutz
54. Do looks matter?
Yes
55. Have you ever bought anything from PacSun?
Not that I can think of
56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes who hasnt?
57. Favorite time of the year?
Winter or summertime around my birthday
58. Favorite color?
Red/blue
59. Are you sarcastic?
Its genetic
60. Do you have any tattoos?
No
61. The last person you held hands with?
Good question. I suppose handing someone their change at work could count.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No
63. Where was your default picture taken at?
The courtyard at UVU by the fountain
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yes.
65. Do you like your life right now?
Mixed opinion
66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not very. I text all the time though.
67. What is your favorite animal?
I would have to say small dogs. Some fish just freak me out.
68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Groceries when I went grocery shopping today.
69. Do you have good vision?
Yes and I dont wear glasses so I would say at least decent.
70. Can you hula hoop?
Well I can just not well enough to keep the hoop spinning lol
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I don't know. It would really have to depend on what the context was.
72. Do you have a job?
Yep Im a cashier at a big one stop shopping place for groceries, electronics, pet supplies, and garden supplies and being close to two colleges and being located in the county seat metropolitan area we are usually always busy. Yet I like my job and my supervisors are awesome. Its nice to work with people who have a sense of humor so we can joke around.
73. Can you handle the truth?
I think it depends on what about.
74. What are you wearing?
A grey tshirt with a panther on it and grey and red shorts. Lounging on my bed if you want that detail too.
75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The river
First lets start this post with an awesome song called "The River" by Good Charlotte.
As I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of LA
The footsteps that were next to me
Have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
To know that beautiful things
Don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
To know this beautiful place
Isn't everything they say
I heard that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light
Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered
You're from a small town
You're gonna grow up fast
Underneath these lights
Down in Hollywood
On the boulevard
The dead come back to life
To the praying Mother
And the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back
They'll come home stronger
And if they don't
You'll know
They sing that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light
Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered
(on my own, on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered Baptized in the river ( on my own) I wanna be delivered
I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
I think this song parallels my life. Im from what used to be a small town in Maryland. However since its about 30 minutes away from D.C. its not a small town anymore and I dont know anyone from there anymore. There are days when I wished I had lived in the same place my whole life but that didnt happen so thats life. I know if I went back to Maryland it wouldnt be the same as I remember it from my childhood. I dont know anyone there, my childhood best friend is on a mission and hasnt been back to Maryland since he was a kid either. We also dont connect anymore since we hadnt seen each other since we were little kids till last summer when I showed up at his mission farewell which was fun to surprise his whole family. He didnt recognize me and his Mom thought I looked familiar and was shocked when I said who I was. I cant go back to Arizona either. I dont like the weather there and I would pass out there now because its summertime and I do not handle heat well at all and I really have no reason to go back. I dont really have any High School friends to hang out as in High School I was antisocial for various reasons one of them being I absolutely hated the High School I went to and it was a 30 minute drive away from where I lived and I didnt socialise with the people my age where I lived because they were cliquey holier than thou disfellowshippers to me. So I mostly kept to myself so I really dont know the first thing about socialising. As a matter of fact Im still trying to figure out who I am. HELP!
As I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of LA
The footsteps that were next to me
Have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
To know that beautiful things
Don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
To know this beautiful place
Isn't everything they say
I heard that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light
Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered
You're from a small town
You're gonna grow up fast
Underneath these lights
Down in Hollywood
On the boulevard
The dead come back to life
To the praying Mother
And the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back
They'll come home stronger
And if they don't
You'll know
They sing that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light
Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered
(on my own, on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered Baptized in the river ( on my own) I wanna be delivered
I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
I think this song parallels my life. Im from what used to be a small town in Maryland. However since its about 30 minutes away from D.C. its not a small town anymore and I dont know anyone from there anymore. There are days when I wished I had lived in the same place my whole life but that didnt happen so thats life. I know if I went back to Maryland it wouldnt be the same as I remember it from my childhood. I dont know anyone there, my childhood best friend is on a mission and hasnt been back to Maryland since he was a kid either. We also dont connect anymore since we hadnt seen each other since we were little kids till last summer when I showed up at his mission farewell which was fun to surprise his whole family. He didnt recognize me and his Mom thought I looked familiar and was shocked when I said who I was. I cant go back to Arizona either. I dont like the weather there and I would pass out there now because its summertime and I do not handle heat well at all and I really have no reason to go back. I dont really have any High School friends to hang out as in High School I was antisocial for various reasons one of them being I absolutely hated the High School I went to and it was a 30 minute drive away from where I lived and I didnt socialise with the people my age where I lived because they were cliquey holier than thou disfellowshippers to me. So I mostly kept to myself so I really dont know the first thing about socialising. As a matter of fact Im still trying to figure out who I am. HELP!
Did everyone die?!
Ok did everyone die? We used to have long comment conversations on our blogs and that stopped several months ago and we havent picked it up since. What happened? I miss the conversations.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The contrasts of me
The Old me
Papa Roach- "Last Resort"
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort
Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I can't go on living this way
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are dynamite
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I can't go on living this way
Can't go on
Living this way
Nothing's alright
The New Me
Three Days Grace- "I hate everything about you"
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Only when I stop to think about you,
I know
Only when you stop to think about me,
do you know?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me?
I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
____________________________________________________________________________________
The first song refers to how for a long time I hated myself and everything and seriously considered killing myself several times because my life was so bad. Now things have changed quite a bit and are improving dramatically so while I am still quite often bored I dont look at sharp objects and contemplate how to bring about an end with them. I've messed up as we all have at one point or another and I am learning from my mistakes.
As I flutter through life and learn more about myself my tastes have been changing. Im addicted to an amazing tv show called True Blood which is definitely not for kids or teenagers for that matter (AKA anyone under 18) I have a decent paying job as a cashier that I enjoy and it keeps me busy. I have an ok place to live but in a great location for walking to work at school when I start again in August and while I still have no idea of what I want to study I am looking forward to getting back into school again. College is so much better than High School and I hated High School with a passion of a thousand burning suns. I am also looking at possible steps in life and one possible step involves moving to another state closer to the East Coast. When and where I dont know but its just a possibility. I am an adult after all. I am free to have my own opinions and speak my own thoughts after all arent I?
And these last two songs are random but awesome! At least in my opinion. And for those of you who havent seen Trueblood the last video gives you a preview of what you are missing. (Not so subtle hint at Jared and Rachel lol)
Papa Roach- "Last Resort"
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort
Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I can't go on living this way
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are dynamite
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I can't go on living this way
Can't go on
Living this way
Nothing's alright
The New Me
Three Days Grace- "I hate everything about you"
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Only when I stop to think about you,
I know
Only when you stop to think about me,
do you know?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me?
I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
____________________________________________________________________________________
The first song refers to how for a long time I hated myself and everything and seriously considered killing myself several times because my life was so bad. Now things have changed quite a bit and are improving dramatically so while I am still quite often bored I dont look at sharp objects and contemplate how to bring about an end with them. I've messed up as we all have at one point or another and I am learning from my mistakes.
As I flutter through life and learn more about myself my tastes have been changing. Im addicted to an amazing tv show called True Blood which is definitely not for kids or teenagers for that matter (AKA anyone under 18) I have a decent paying job as a cashier that I enjoy and it keeps me busy. I have an ok place to live but in a great location for walking to work at school when I start again in August and while I still have no idea of what I want to study I am looking forward to getting back into school again. College is so much better than High School and I hated High School with a passion of a thousand burning suns. I am also looking at possible steps in life and one possible step involves moving to another state closer to the East Coast. When and where I dont know but its just a possibility. I am an adult after all. I am free to have my own opinions and speak my own thoughts after all arent I?
And these last two songs are random but awesome! At least in my opinion. And for those of you who havent seen Trueblood the last video gives you a preview of what you are missing. (Not so subtle hint at Jared and Rachel lol)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I am becoming free
I am a flower in a pot too small needing to be replanted in a larger pot.
I am a butterfly coming out of a cocoon.
I am a bird spreading my wings and learning how to fly.
I am a person once trapped by my past, learning to let things go.
With each chip away at the stone weighing me down I am becoming free.
I am an individual, a person, someone learning about themself and discovering themself.
One who is happy to have some space from family to be able to figure out what I really want in life. And my next big step might be a cross country move away from the Southwest:) to somewhere back East such as Maryland, Virginia, upstate New York or Ohio. Life is looking better and for the first time in years I do not feel numb at the moment.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Photograph
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?
And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I've broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye
Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/n/nickelback-lyrics/photograph-lyrics.html ]
Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me...
I love this song by Nickelback. Its helped me through a lot to move on from some things, and to say goodbye to others.
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?
And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I've broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye
Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/n/nickelback-lyrics/photograph-lyrics.html ]
Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me...
I love this song by Nickelback. Its helped me through a lot to move on from some things, and to say goodbye to others.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
None of it matters
Currently listening to: Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf
Its amazing how you can write something, save it and them come back to it later and none of it matters. I had a whole blog post written and I saved it as a draft and came back to it and none of it matters now.
Now listening to: Saving Me by Nickelback
Its amazing how you can write something, save it and them come back to it later and none of it matters. I had a whole blog post written and I saved it as a draft and came back to it and none of it matters now.
Now listening to: Saving Me by Nickelback
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