Meh

I'm trying to find silver linings in things or plus sides to things but its been difficult. I need to keep trying so I don't end up being one of those bitter old men you see in rest homes who are completely by themselves. Erghhhhh this is difficult.

I need to get a new laptop. I do like mine but I don't think it would be powerful enough for various new software and my laptop is only about a year old. I'll keep it for storage and as a backup though once I get a new laptop. Hopefully I'll be able to get one with a webcam and microphone built in. Though I've gotten a microphone to work (and that took forever to get it to work) I still cant get my webcam to work with Ubuntu linux which is what I have because when I got my computer it was a couple hundred dollars more to get one with Xp on it. I'm going to be hopefully working full time this summer to save up enough money to cover what my pell grant wont cover for UVU next year. Out of state tuition is about 5000 a semester and my pell grant will cover about 2500 a semester so I need to earn at least 3000-4000 dollars this summer to cover fall semesters tuition and then I'll hopefully earn enough by the end of the semester to cover the difference for springs tuition. If I can earn all the money I need for school this summer then I am going to save up for a new laptop.

And I'm also scheming about some projects that I'd like to do and I've been looking on the internet and found a website that sells the whole bolt of fabric (usually about 9 yards worth) for around 50 bucks depending on the material. Silk of course is more expensive and it was the bolts of cotton fabric I was looking at. I've also been price comparing on sewing machines and I looked on ebay and I'm wondering if it would be worth it to buy a sewing machine used on ebay. I found a couple that were good models in good conditions that would cost a whole lot more to buy brand new.

Silver linings

I was reading my cousin in laws (well its my cousins wife) blog and she had an interesting post about her day yesterday which though it was crappy she found several positive points or silver linings in her day. Heres her blogpost.

"While we were at the dentist this morning, my tire went flat. At least it was after the appointment, AND we were in town close to the tire place, and NO cavities!! (-Though there was discussion of Sariah's impending orthodontia.)

When we went to get it filled, we found we were way overdue for new tires, AND an oil change. We've known this for a while, but at least we found out at a time when we could afford it (Though grudgingly. Seriously. Who wants to pay that much money for something as boring as tires?!) and that we were able to do it before we had a tire blow or something.

While we waited for the car to get fixed we went for a walk. (How awesome that the stroller was in the van!) It was cold and none of my kids had coats. At least it wasn't raining! (Or let's be real, we're in Rexburg, it could easily have been snowing.)

While we were walking a bird pooped. On. My. Hand. I'm not seeing a huge silver lining there, (at least it wasn't my head?) but I'm incredibly grateful for baby wipes. However, I am NOT grateful for sippy cups. A few minutes after that "fowl" incident I discovered that Helam's stupid sippy cup leaked all over my phone effectively destroying it. (Di-thanks for letting me use you as an emergency contact. My phone let me see that you said yes, but not reply. I'm glad you said yes, because I'd already put you.)

When we got home, it was 4. Helam, who usually naps at 11, went down for a late nap. (SO overdue.) I was supposed to get to spend my afternoon sorting and folding laundry, doing dishes, and rewinding the fishing line that Helam spread all over the house and organizing my craft room. That's really not happening. Neither is dinner.

Luckily, in about an hour I have a husband coming home who I hope has a lot of energy because he hasn't had to look for a lot of silver linings, while dragging "a multitude of blessings" (3) around town while getting pooped on today.

In other good news... before the dentist appointment, I got both the big bathrooms cleaned, scrubbed, and beautiful. (Baseboards too!) As I was getting ready to go, I tried on one of my old "skinny shirts" (that used to be way to small for me) and my skinny pants (Not to be confused EVER with skinny jeans, though they were jeans.) Both have now become my "fat clothes." "

Erghhhhhhh...

I do not like the mattresses in my dorm. They are old and lumpy and it you sit in one spot for a while its creates a dent there. This makes it difficult to sleep on. So with this and a combination of going to bed late last night I did not sleep well and it was difficult to fall asleep. Then I haven't eaten today yet as I am on a two meals a day meal plan because eating breakfast at my cafeteria is not worth it. Lunch is in about 45 minutes though so its not too long from now.

On the plus side I now have my own room. My former roommate got moved downstairs and then his brother moved upstairs because they can't stand living together. Then my former roommate got kicked out of housing. For what I don't know and I don't really care at this point as he was an arse. So his brother moved back downstairs because his brothers room was empty so we both have our own rooms now! Though if I had to room with my former roommates brother again I would. He's a good guy.

Merlin

Yesterday on tv was a marathon of the upcoming show Merlin. Its premiering this friday at 10 pm on the sci fy channel. I watched one episode and I was hooked. Basically it goes into Merlins life as he is discovering his powers and his life in Camelot before Arthur takes the thrown. Merlin works as a servant of Arthur who is the crown Prince and Arthurs dad has banished magic from Camelot and anyone who is caught using magic is punished severely either by life in prison or death. So Merlin though he wants to use his powers has to keep them hidden.

Semester at sea

I was talking to a friend of mine today and she told me that next Spring she is going to be doing a Semester at Sea through the University of Virginia. Out of curiosity I looked up the program and it looks really interesting. Now I think I would like to do this program too later on. However for a whole semester program the cost is quite expensive but the summer course is much more affordable. The regular semester program is $22,395 whereas the summer program is only $10,995. Hopefully I'll be able to get a scholarship or who knows some unknown rich relative of mine may die and leave me some money. I can hope.

So I turned a assignment in early..

I'm taking Psychology 101 at the moment. Anyways I was checking the assignment sheet she posted online with the homework assignments and their due dates and I panicked because one projects due date said it was due today. So last night I did it and it only took me about 20 minutes to look up the information in the textbook and answer the five questions. I then submitted it and I was done. This morning I go to Psychology class at 8 (I'm regretting taking a class this early in the morning) and its a 50 minute long class and 30 minutes after class starts the teacher announces she is going to give us the rest of the class to work on our project. Well my classmate who was sitting next to me (he lives down the hall from me in my dorm as well) had already done the project as well and he looked and me and said want to go to breakfast? And then we just walked out of class and went to the cafeteria for breakfast. Lol.

Bahahahahaha!

Right now I'm watching Worlds Strictest Parents where two spoiled teens from Georgia and Missouri have to go out and live for a week with a family in Moab Utah that has 12 kids but only 5 kids live at home at the moment because most of them are grown up. However this family owns a cleaning business cleaning businesses in the area and they all work so they can afford to eat. However when they make these two kids work with them and these two spoiled kids are in total culture shock because they have never had to work before. Oh this is funny.

I need a therapist

I need to see a therapist, counsellor, or psychologist. When talking to my Dad he pointed out that from his observation I seem to have a combination of depression and emptiness. Hopefully I'll be able to do that this summer but I can't do that at the moment because I have no money and my insurance only covers half of any of my medical fees in the states which would help but I need money. However hopefully this summer I should be able to get a full time job and find a therapist or psychologist who has a sliding payment schedule depending on your income. I'm hoping this helps improve my life as I could use some improvement.

Does this seem weird?

This is sort of a whim of mine but I'm thinking that when I have the money I'd like to buy a sewing machine and use it to make some throw pillows, pillowcases, blankets, and other projects. I've wanted to make some of these things for a while so I can have my own design but now I think I am going to do so.

Inner War

I got the idea of Inner War off Jareds blog. I feel like I am going through one at the moment. With so much conflict going on inside me at the moment. As much as I love my family we are going in the opposite direction at this point in life. They are leaning towards their church and trying to become more spiritual whereas I on the other hand am not leaning towards it and am not very spiritual these days. I think that Crawling by Linkin Park describes part of the conflict/inner war I am going through.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling

I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Chorus

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Chorus (Repeat until end)

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling (Whispered during chorus)


Words and writing of others can describe things that we have a hard time describing ourselves. In this case Crawling describes the fact that I have some wounds from the past that are having a hard time healing. Although there are lots of nice people in the LDS Church I have met a lot of two faced people which when you take that and all the bs that happened to me in High School caused several wounds which still need time to heal. My Mother said that I haven't been happy for several years and I do believe that is partially true though thats not to say I haven't had happy or fun moments.

I feel like ranting about High School... I HATED it. I am so sick of drama from all the BS that went on from teachers who should have been fired,to bureacracy, to classmates who have their heads up their asses, to teachers who pick a couple of students to give good grades to no matter what, to students cheating openly and teachers and administrators letting them get away with it despite the fact that they say they do not tolerate cheating, to administration doing stupid things to your credits. I think that the best thing that happened to me was when I enrolled full time at Primavera and finished quickly through them and the teachers were willing to listen to my views and answer my questions. I know a lot of people look down at Online Schools but I don't care what they say Primavera is amazing. With the layouts of their classes, the helpfulness of their teachers and administrators as they really want you to succeed and they don't just sit there collecting a paycheck. They were also extremely flexible so if you finished the world early you got the credit and then could take another class and finish early if you wanted. I wish I could have gone to Primavera starting in my Junior year as I could probably have finished a year early. Oh I hated High School.

Now my brother is going to be attending Primavera soon and he is a Sophomore and he is going to be trying to finish as soon as possible. I think he could finish a year and a half early because he is really quite motivated and really works hard.

For the first time

For the first time in several years I feel like I am regaining control of life. Its just been a good feeling today after answering several questions my Mom emailed me and explaining my point of view and then listening to several songs: Linkin Park-Crawling, Kamelot-The Human Stain, and Linkin Park-Breaking the Habit. Music takes the pain away. Well I need to go off to get ready for history 102.

Watching Harry Potter 5

On tv. They got the perfect actress to play Umbridge.

Well I'm back

I got back to my dorm room and its hot in here. Now why on earth would they turn on the heater when its been warm outside for the past few days here. This isn't making any sense. I need to get a fan in here as having the window open isn't helping much.

The end of my spring break...

Well I move back into my dorm tonight and classes start tomorrow so this is the end of my Spring Break. It has been boring with exciting moments.

What to do with the rest of my spring break

Well I've decided to be lazy for the rest of my Spring Break. I move back into my dorm tomorrow night and classes start again on Monday so theres nothing much for me to do in the meantime. So lazyness it is.

Heading back to arizona

We stopped in Indio Cali for gas and now were heading back.

In Tuscon

Whatev

Packing up

Well were packing up the van to head to California

California here I come!

In about 2 and a half hours I am heading to California and then tomorrow I'll be at Disneyland. California here I come!

I love travelling...

I love travelling and seeing new things. I found a video on youtube that I feel describes perfectly why I travel.. To see the world.

I'm thinking

I'm thinking that in about 2 years after I get back into shape and lose the weight I need to lose I am going to go to Europe during the summer and go backpacking for about a month. I've been watching this show on youtube put on by two guys called Germany vs. USA (one guys german and the other is american) and they were discussing backpacking around Europe and they mentioned several things that although would be a little expensive initially they save you more money. One of those things was the Eurail pass which depending on which one you buy is good for most of Europes train systems with the exception of the UK where basically you see a train you want to go on you just hop on. The pass for a month is about $789 US so its a bit expensive up front but when you consider what you would spend buying tickets everywhere you save a ton of money. Kelly let me know how Austria is because I would like to visit there as well.

These tuition hikes

With all these tuition hikes in Arizona I am wondering where the hell they expect us to get the money to pay for this. Do they expect us to magically pull this money out of our asses when many students are already drowning in debt. Where the hell did concern for students go instead of greed and financial mismanagement. I just read an article about tution hikes for next year that are going to significantly increase tuition at U of A, ASU, and NAU. Well with ASU its no surprise as they do this every year but U of A and NAU? This is really ridiculous. Heres a link to the article

I'm glad I am leaving Arizona this summer and hopefully for good as this is completely ridiculous. Why should they raise tuition when we have one of the lowest educational ratings in the US? Were ranked 50th. Even Mississippi beat us (they were ranked 48th and Nevada was ranked 49th) heres the link to that

On Spring Break with nothing to do...

Well as my post says I'm on Spring Break with nothing to do till Wednesday when I leave for Cali with some friends and on Thursday when we actually go to Disneyland. At the moment I'm staying at a friends house here in town because I didn't have enough gas or money to get gas to go up to Mesa anyways plus I'm still fighting with the DMV over vehicle registration stickers. I renewed the registration when I got back to the States and I don't have to go through emissions testing as that is only require in Maricopa and Pima County but I never received the sticker and Servicearizona is being a douchebag about it and I don't want to get a fine that I shouldn't receive for Servicearizona not getting off their lazy asses. I need to go into the DMV soon within the next week and talk to them about it.

I'm on Spring Break!

Woot I'm on Spring Break. This coming week I'm going to Disneyland! I'm in a partying sort of mood and felt this song was appropriate for the mood I'm in.

Appreciate

I enjoy going to my History 102 class and I am also a bit of a History nerd however a break occasionally from class is nice. What I appreciate about my History Professor is that when he is going to cancel class he usually sends us an email such as today because he got sick. That said I hope he gets well soon because I enjoy his class.

Jocks...

Why is it that Jocks are allowed to get away with so much crap? For example a friend of mine was out walking one night recently and a group of jocks walked by and one punched him in the face. They got away with attacking him. That isnt right. And then there is the constant drug use at my college by Jocks. Before the Fall Semester had even started most of the Football team had failed their drug tests and yet they were allowed to keep playing. They were shouting about it in the cafeteria. Isn't one of the rules of College Sports teams that if you fail your drug test you get kicked off the team? Well they apparently don't enforce that rule here. This really pisses me off how Jocks can get away with this and be rewarded for doing so. Most of these people are the ones who were the Elementary School bullies and yet they were rewarded for being bullies in High School and now College. This system is unfair, biased, and discriminatory. That really burns my butt!

Choking on Spray Deoderant

I'm choking on the fumes of Spray Deoderant right now. My roommate who I am hoping is soon my former roommate likes using Spray Deoderant. Now I have no problems with a bit of Spray Deoderant however when you spray it on like my roommate does its a choking hazard. I opened his window when he left so thats helping but seriously spraying it all over you is overkill. The stuff is concentrated so you only need a quick spray of it, maybe a second at the most. Its not supposed to be sprayed all over your body.

Edit: As of now my former roommate has been moved downstairs and his brother who is much more responsible has moved up here. I like his brother.

Just a thought...

Life doesn't stop on Sunday even though its the weekend. Just thought I would put my two cents in.

Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am really pissed off at my roommate right now and I am hoping that he gets kicked out because I am not going to live with him any longer after he stole my keys and lied to me about them. However he could be charged with Grand Larceny because in addition to my dorm key being on the lanyard my car key was as well.

Disney on the Brain

I've been trying to work on some homework for Psychology thats due tomorrow but its no use right now because I have Disney on the brain. Why you might ask? Because I have a very good chance of going there over Spring Break with some friends. As a result I've been google image searching disney and I liked this picture of the Disneyland Castle




Well I'm off to attempt to again work on my Psychology Homework. Zipa dee doo dah zip a dee day, My oh my what a wonderful day.

Music

I was watching Extreme Home Makeover Home Edition and they did a home for a family in Kentucky with a 19 year old son who was blind and also was in a wheelchair. However he is a very talented Musician who plays the Piano, Can sing, plays the trumpet, and is on the Marching Band at the University of Louisville. Watching him sing and play the piano reminded me of a woman who I was in a weaving class last semester with last semester who was blind but also was very good at singing. People reach out in different ways and this woman and this guy reached out through music.