The river

First lets start this post with an awesome song called "The River" by Good Charlotte.



As I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of LA
The footsteps that were next to me
Have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
To know that beautiful things
Don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
To know this beautiful place
Isn't everything they say

I heard that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

You're from a small town
You're gonna grow up fast
Underneath these lights
Down in Hollywood
On the boulevard
The dead come back to life

To the praying Mother
And the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back
They'll come home stronger
And if they don't
You'll know

They sing that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

Baptized in the river (on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered
(on my own, on my own)

Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own) I wanna be delivered Baptized in the river ( on my own) I wanna be delivered

I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered




I think this song parallels my life. Im from what used to be a small town in Maryland. However since its about 30 minutes away from D.C. its not a small town anymore and I dont know anyone from there anymore. There are days when I wished I had lived in the same place my whole life but that didnt happen so thats life. I know if I went back to Maryland it wouldnt be the same as I remember it from my childhood. I dont know anyone there, my childhood best friend is on a mission and hasnt been back to Maryland since he was a kid either. We also dont connect anymore since we hadnt seen each other since we were little kids till last summer when I showed up at his mission farewell which was fun to surprise his whole family. He didnt recognize me and his Mom thought I looked familiar and was shocked when I said who I was. I cant go back to Arizona either. I dont like the weather there and I would pass out there now because its summertime and I do not handle heat well at all and I really have no reason to go back. I dont really have any High School friends to hang out as in High School I was antisocial for various reasons one of them being I absolutely hated the High School I went to and it was a 30 minute drive away from where I lived and I didnt socialise with the people my age where I lived because they were cliquey holier than thou disfellowshippers to me. So I mostly kept to myself so I really dont know the first thing about socialising. As a matter of fact Im still trying to figure out who I am. HELP!

Did everyone die?!

Ok did everyone die? We used to have long comment conversations on our blogs and that stopped several months ago and we havent picked it up since. What happened? I miss the conversations.

The contrasts of me

The Old me
Papa Roach- "Last Resort"

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying
I'm crying

I can't go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Who did me wrong
Who did me right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are dynamite
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

I can't go on living this way
Can't go on
Living this way
Nothing's alright




The New Me
Three Days Grace- "I hate everything about you"

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?

Only when I stop to think about you,
I know
Only when you stop to think about me,
do you know?

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me?

I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?


____________________________________________________________________________________

The first song refers to how for a long time I hated myself and everything and seriously considered killing myself several times because my life was so bad. Now things have changed quite a bit and are improving dramatically so while I am still quite often bored I dont look at sharp objects and contemplate how to bring about an end with them. I've messed up as we all have at one point or another and I am learning from my mistakes.

As I flutter through life and learn more about myself my tastes have been changing. Im addicted to an amazing tv show called True Blood which is definitely not for kids or teenagers for that matter (AKA anyone under 18) I have a decent paying job as a cashier that I enjoy and it keeps me busy. I have an ok place to live but in a great location for walking to work at school when I start again in August and while I still have no idea of what I want to study I am looking forward to getting back into school again. College is so much better than High School and I hated High School with a passion of a thousand burning suns. I am also looking at possible steps in life and one possible step involves moving to another state closer to the East Coast. When and where I dont know but its just a possibility. I am an adult after all. I am free to have my own opinions and speak my own thoughts after all arent I?

And these last two songs are random but awesome! At least in my opinion. And for those of you who havent seen Trueblood the last video gives you a preview of what you are missing. (Not so subtle hint at Jared and Rachel lol)