Sometimes I just want it to end

Sometimes I just want it all to end. When I went to see a movie recently I was in a good mood before it started and during the previews before the movie there was some sort of commercial depicting a good relationship between a Father and Son which just depressed me and within a couple of hours I was feeling suicidal. I need to see a counselor soon if something as small as that is going to depress me. My father and I have not had a good relationship for several years and whenever I talk to him I hardly ever get to say anything because he just talks and talks which I know is just his way but it depresses me. I am a fly caught in a web that I cant get out of. I wish the spider would come and end it.

Fog and Mist

The fog and mists are clearing.
The sands of time stirring
The cogs of life whirring.

The fog and mists that held me trapped for so long are fading.
My mind is becoming clear.
Many nights of restlessness have added up to something
While I lay awake pondering life.
Of decisions to make and options to consider.
I still have not made up my mind of what I want to do but my mind is becoming clear.

So...

So I might be moving out in a few weeks because as much as I love my Aunt she is turning into a Mother and then tonight she said she will be becoming a parent because she feels that mentoring isn't working with us and its getting pretty bad already. So I just got hired at Walmart (full time with benefits pushing carts!) so I will have income and after 90 days of working at Walmart I get an employee discount card which will help and after 6 months I get the full walmart employee health insurance plan which apparently includes dental. Its time for me to move out. And I might be moving back to Thatcher next summer because strange as it sounds I am starting to miss Thatcher and I could finish my Associates Degree fairly easily there and I could transfer to the Walmart in town (if they have any positions open) after working for 6 months at the Walmart here. So I think its time for me to move out.

The Utah County DMV is a nightmare

As I said above the Utah County DMV is a nightmare. While technically there are two here in Utah County, the second one which is in Provo is an express office where you can only do certain things such as drivers license renewals. Since I'm new to the state and have never had a Utah drivers license I had to go to the one in Orem to switch my drivers license to a Utah drivers license.

So when I finally find the DMV (where they have it in Orem is difficult to find and its easy to get lost trying to find it) first I had to fill out a form and then wait in line for close to 45 minutes at the information desk to say that I was new to the state and needed to switch my drivers license over from Arizona. I had to have two proofs of address, my Arizona drivers license, and my social security card and some other form of proof of citizenship. This wasn't an issue as I had brought a copy of my Birth Certificate and my US passport just in case but I didn't need my passport. For my two proofs of address it actually was easier than I thought it was going to be. I just needed a current paystub with my address on it and then I got a statement from my bank with my name and address on it.

Since I had everything I needed, they had me sit down in front of a camera and took my picture and then they gave me a number and had me sit down. 30 or so minutes later my number was called and I had to go up to another counter and show my documents again and they scanned them in there though the guy who scanned my documents said "so your from the doctor state huh?" (I was born in Maryland) When he saw I was confused he asked me what the abbreviation for Maryland was and explained that that was how he remembered the abbreviation. Then I had to pay 30 dollars and go over to another counter to get signed into a computer to take a written test which personally I think was illogical as I had a current US drivers license from a neighbouring state but since I already had a drivers license it was open book and I only missed one question so of course I passed. Then I went back to the counter and they printed off my temporary paper license because they mail your actual license to you several weeks later as I was told. So I switched my license over last week and they told me my actual license would arrive in 3-4 weeks then so I have about 3 weeks more to wait.

So in my opinion Utah needs to add at least 2 more DMVS to Utah County with at least one in the Southern end of the County around Spanish Fork and they all need to be full service DMVS. Also in my opinion they should print out your actual license at the DMV and not just a temporary paper one and then mail you the real one several weeks later. Save yourself some money Utah, you've already set up your schedules so government offices are only open 4 days a week so why not just get card printing machines installed at the DMVs and save yourself some money on postage?

Contemplations of Inequalities...

It seems like I can never make up my mind and my plans are constantly changing as a result. Here I sit at nearly three in the morning because I can't sleep because I have too many things on my mind. Although I am not the best in the world at math, I can do math and I've been adding the cost of things up and realizing that I can't really afford to stay here in Utah and go to a public University with out of State tuition. There is BYU here but its cheap for members of the LDS church. My cousin is trying to convince me to transfer to BYU Idaho because its something like $1500 per semester there for church members so that is pretty cheap.

Ergh.... The US educational system really bugs me when it comes to residency and tuition. Why can't we be like Canada where there is one tuition rate at all public Universities for all Canadian Citizens and Permanent residents and another higher tuition rate for non Canadian Citizens and Permanent Residents. It would give us a whole lot more choice for Education Options.

For example in my birth state Maryland, in state tuition at University of Maryland is something like $4000 a semester bringing the grand total for 2 semesters a year to something around $8000 a year. For out of state students it is something like $28,000 a year. Not many people can afford that. I can't.

Also speaking of education we also need to switch to the metric system and stay on it as if I understand correctly, the US is the only country in the world which is not on the metric system. When it comes to international business we are losing money due to the fact that we have to convert everything to the metric system when doing business abroad.

So yes there is a possibility of me moving back to Arizona by next summer. At this rate I can't afford to stay in Utah. At UVU out of state tuition is $6000 a semester. For financial aid I get a pell grant and a subsidized student loan and a unsubsidized student loan and then the remaining balance which is about $1000 I have to cover myself which is doable. However I hate debt and even though these loans are going towards my education I still don't like being in debt which is one reason I am considering transferring to a Maricopa County Community College as I am still considered a resident there at least till after income tax filing time depending on if my Dad claims me as a dependent or not. At this rate it is quite likely he will. I need to start saving more anyways so I really need to create a strict budget and follow through with it.

However if I moved back to Arizona I would need to get a job lined up before moving back. Any suggestions anyone? Oh and I also need to get rid of some of my crap. I moved up here with way too much crap and it was a pain in the butt to move it up here. Some of it I'm probably going to be giving to my sister and my old clothes I'm saving for when my parents come to visit sometime before December to see if any of my siblings could use any of it and the stuff they don't want or need I'll donate to a thrift store.

Decisions Decisons...

I moved away from Arizona for school reasons and now I'm thinking after I finish my Associates Degree in General Studies at UVU this year I might go to Scottsdale Community Colleges Culinary Arts program because I've been interested in Culinary Arts for some time. I could still get in state tuition in Arizona if my Dad claims me as a dependent however I'll talk to him about that when its time to file income taxes. However I still need to think about this as my plans change constantly.

It seems like we've all dropped out of the digital world for a while. Anyways I'm a still looking for steadier employment as I am only getting a couple of hours a week at my current job and though I like working there, with only a couple of hours a week I can't even pay my basic expenses. I just signed up for classes this fall and am doing 12 credits. I'm taking math, portugese, and biology.

!

Well I didn't realise this till I was about to log into twitter, but today is Disneylands 55 anniversary. On this day 55 years ago Walt Disney unveiled Disneyland to the world. I'd love to go again sometime. But Happy Anniversary Disneyland!

An Ocean of Nothing

An Ocean of Nothing

I am nothing.
An ocean of words wash over me everyday and pass right through me.
I long ago gave up trying to comprehend these words.
Then again maybe I should not try to understand.

These words come from people who do not understand me and thus decide to make my life hell.
With all their cliques and drama they can keep it, I'll pass.
To them, the ocean I am nothing.
Merely a target to practice their idiocy on.
Swimming along.

I tuned them out and shut myself up in my shell.
I clammed up, gave up.
I'm not stupid, life there was pointless.
All of them the other fish in the ocean were clueless to what life really was.

They were wrong and will probably never realize that
They claim they are all different but they are still the same
People like them hardly ever change
And they never will understand that.
They are all fake.

So I left and I'm not coming back.
Perhaps someday for a visit but never to move back.
I'm done with the drama and the hell I went through.
I swam away from that Ocean of nothing.

Goodbye High School...

Extension

This is sort of an extension of my last post. Anyways today I stumbled on this song while on youtube and I've really enjoyed listening to it. I think what I did with just packing up and leaving Arizona was best to start over fresh in a place where I could escape the drama that happened to me growing up. Sometimes simple songs like this are the best.

Why life is so much better after High School

Around the end of my Junior Year of High School this basically became my theme song. Now three High Schools later and after one year of College I'm thinking about this and while its true that the drama you see in High School never ends, life after High School gets way better. For example in college you are not usually sitting on your butt for 8 hours a day waiting for a bell for your next class to start. You quite often will have breaks between your classes or you may have 2 classes on one day and three on another. Quite often you will have less homework except requests by your Instructors to read over the material you talked about in class or read ahead for something you will be doing the next class. You generally have more time on your hands so you find things to do such as hang out with friends, find a job or whatnot. During High School a shell or a cocoon formed around me as that was the way I subconsciously chose to deal with all the stuff that goes on in High School so I basically shut myself up in myself and now I feel that that shell or cocoon is cracking and I am emerging. Bring on life!

High School

Well anyone here feel like a rant about High School? I was listening to High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup and I agree with their song and a idea for a rant about High School came into my mind.

I got a new job...

Well I applied at a small restaurant about a 5 minutes drive from where I live so I can ride a bike there and I just got a call today saying I got the job so I'll be putting in my two weeks notice at my current workplace when I go into work today and in about two weeks I'll be starting at a new job.

Yay!

Well things are finally starting to look up! Today I got a job as a telephoner for a data research company. Translation: I'll be calling people asking them to do surveys over the phone for market research. I know its not the most ideal job but its a job and I'm not selling anything. So yesterday I went in for an interview passed that, went in to a presentation for the company today and passed the short and easy test on the presentation afterwards and tomorrow I get some training which I think I get paid for since I have to take in my direct deposit slip tomorrow filled out. Once I actually start work I'll be on a probationary period for the first two weeks of the job and after that if I do well which I think I will. This has just shot my confidence level through the roof that I was able to get a job in this economy. And also my Prince of Persia soundtrack which I ordered last week came today so I've been listening to that and its great. Of course I'm addicted to the movie and I'll be buying it once it comes out. Yay! Things are looking up!

My weightloss blog

Kelly I've been so busy since I got out of school for the summer that I have not had enough time to update my weight loss blog. Anyways I'm thinking about closing it because I'm a bit behind on it and I do not have the time right now to keep it up.

My life...

My life at the moment consists of doing all sorts of odd jobs around my Aunts house from mowing the lawn about once a week to moving her food storage downstairs to a closet she has for her food storage in the basement. On Saturday I was able to mow the front lawn but I had other things to do as well so I need to mow the backyard today. So my to do list for today is...
1. Finish mowing the yard and do the edging.
2. Clean out the garage.
3. Clean my bathroom (I need to clean it at least once a week anyways)
4. Clean my room and finish putting my stuff away.
5. Vacuum the house.
6. Reorganize the food storage closet downstairs so we can find what we need in there.

So while its not exactly a long list of things to do, some of these things are time consuming. Well I need to go get started. Backyard here I come!

How does this guy consider himself a world traveller?

...It is people like this that make me question where I am really from. http://www.twincities.com/localnews/ci_15139346?src=yahoohome&nclick_check=1

This article talks about a man who at the age of 25 made it his goal to visit every country in the world. Personally that is sort of my goal as well. He has three countries to go which are Cuba, Somalia, and Libya. However my opinion is that he has not really travelled to these countries that he says he has gone to because he refuses to venture outside the cities, will not try local foods, and also always stays in specific hotels. He insists on Mcdonalds and French Fries. Also I am wondering how he managed to get into Saudi Arabia as we are a country that does not issue tourist visas. And I'm wondering how he managed not to get arrested in Lebanon or Syria for having visited Israel. Syria and Lebanon if I remember correctly will arrest you if your passport says you have visited Israel. There may be exceptions to that rule but I do not know what they are.

Its people like this that make me question my nationality and songs like God Bless the USA which I know is a patriotic song but I still question if I am American or not after reading about people like the guy in the article. A lot of Americans are always saying that the US is the best country in the world and I have doubted that for some time, especially after having living overseas. I think once I start school again I need to look into a study abroad program for a semester somewhere in Europe possibly in the UK or Ireland. At this point I consider myself American by birth, culturally however I am not however I am not sure what culture I belong to.

Update

Well so far no luck with finding a job. I interviewed at Wal Mart and though the interview went pretty well I didn't get the job. Oh well its life and lets move on. No I'm looking elsewhere for a job. So right now I am doing odd jobs around my Aunts house such as yardwork and moving boxes of food storage to her food storage closet downstairs in her basement.

Weatherwise I am really enjoying it up here. Unfortunately I haven't really met anyone my age. What I mean is I have met someone close to my age but he lives in the St George area which is about a 4 hour drive away. His Mom and my Aunt have been friends for over 30 years and were best friends when they used to live in Virginia. In fact her husband and my Dad used to be room-mates when they lived in Virginia. So our families go pretty far back but I had never met them until I stopped for the night at their house on my way up to my Aunts house.

So all in all I think its been a good decision so far to move up here.

Well I made it to Utah

I made it to my Aunts house in Utah yesterday and it feels weird because they are an hour ahead of Arizona timewise. I ended up stopping for the night Friday at a family friends house in the St George area because it took longer than expected to get to Utah thanks to the Hoover Dam which takes forever to get across and Las Vegas freeway traffic and I had to stop for gas in Vegas and there are a lot of rude drivers there. Well now if you'll excuse me I need to go finish making pasta salad.

Wow

OK I was bored and on the internet and found out randomly that Chester Bennington the lead singer for Linkin Park lives in Gilbert about 10 minutes or 5 miles away from my old house there. How weird is that?

Disaster Zone

My room at the moment is a disaster zone. I am packing up my stuff and at the moment am about 3/4 of the way done but I have stuff all over the floor, extra boxes that I no longer need because I repacked my stuff so it would fit better into other boxes so I wouldn't use so many and so that they would all fit in my truck bed. I've stuff my minifridge with clothing. I've also got some trashbags where I am going to stuff my bedding into and just load it into the cab of my truck when I leave. Basically my room is a mess at this point. I need to finish by tomorrow. Friday when I actually drive to Utah is going to be interesting. I'm starting over in a new place that I have visited a couple of times but never lived there. I know a couple of people up there but not like Maricopa County which had all the drama from my first High School which followed me down to Thatcher.

I'm leaving Arizona and hopefully for good! I might come down to visit but I have no intention of moving back down to Arizona any time soon. I have not really liked this State since I moved here in 3rd grade from Maryland and now I finally get my chance to get out of here. My only disappointment at this point is that I could not have done it sooner and that I am not moving back East to Maryland or Virginia. That will hopefully happen within the next few years though. I hope to be able to visit Virginia within the next two years at least. I might be moving there after Utah. My Mom and Dad want me to stay in one place and finish a degree but I miss living back East. I know its weird as I have not lived there for about 10 years now but I still have memories of green grass, summer rain showers, snow in the winter, the colours of the leaves changing in the fall and then the leaves falling off the trees, snowball fights in the winter, going to the beach in North Carolina and the water in the Atlantic is not freezing cold unlike the Pacific. Maryland and Virginia actually have 4 seasons, something that Arizona does not. Arizona has two seasons, warm and bloody hot! This state has not felt like home to me something that I do not think my parents have realised. Yes I know we moved out here for work and for my sisters health as the dryer climate here does not trigger her asthma but as I do not live with my family anymore I am ready to move on. The East is my Home, not the West.

!##$@@$@#@!*&%

I'm a little frustrated right now. It turns out my last final is on Wednesday evening and all of the rest of my finals are on Monday and Tuesday. I was hoping to leave here Wednesday afternoon, spend the night at a friends house in Gilbert and then finish my drive to Utah. I've asked my teacher if I can take the final early but due to some administration rules here taking finals early has to be approved by several administrators and that usually takes a few days to process. So its quite likely that I will not be able to take the final early. This is driving me nuts!

What is it with me and writing letters...

Honestly what is it with me and writing letters. I wrote a letter to my Dad to let him know that I left the Mormon church and explained my reasons for doing so. I think it was a fair letter. Now I have not sent it. I just typed it up. Honestly I think it helped to be able to write my thoughts and opinions down. I probably will actually send this one this summer but after I get a job and get financially stable. I think this will be for the best and will allow me to be completely honest with my parents about my opinions on several subjects and religious views. Yes this is going to be rough but I do love my parents so I think it will just be best if I tell them. I've been nervous all this time since I left the Mormon Church on what will happen if I tell my parents but I think now is the time to tell them. I will just have to see what happens. I doubt my Dad or Mom will cut me out of the family though this may strain a few things.

Third Culture Kid

I am now a third culture kid. A third culture kid is someone who has spent a portion of their life growing up outside their birth or home country. I lived for a year and three months outside the U.S. And since I moved when I was 16 I was still growing up. And in a sense I am still growing up since I am still learning about new things in college. I understand more than most about Islam and Middle Eastern Politics as I lived in that particular culture. I went to school with kids from all around the world. I was and am spoiled. Vacations for me usually involved going to another country which in my case was Bahrain a wonderful Island Country which I would love to go to again and possibly live there someday.

My Fathers job included great benefits such as full health insurance in Saudi Arabia and my insurance covers half of my costs here in the U.S. so if I have anything drastic I will have to go back to Riyadh, our health insurance provided us with some of the best health care in Riyadh at Kingdom Hospital. In Saudi Arabia it is quite common for hospitals to also include pediatricians practices, dentist practices, and various other medical practices that you would not normally see in a U.S. hospital. Our healthcare practitioners were usually trained at Western Universities in the UK, Europe, Canada, and the US and Australia and New Zealand. We got the latest medical equipment and our Doctors were up to date on the latest medical procedures. As for other benefits we got to live in a wonderful house in a great compound rent free and utility free so we could turn the ac as cold as we wanted without having to worry about how we would be able to afford the electric bill. Schooling was paid for over there though they did not pay for us when we went onto College or University. My Dads salary was tax free, there were no sales taxes over there, copyright laws were not enforced there so it was not too difficult to get movies. Yes there were some drawbacks such as living under Islamic law where in public I could not wear shorts and my Mom and sisters had to wear abayas because of Islamic Modesty laws and we could not easily get pork products as that is considered a dirty animal in Islam because traditionally pigs were fed scraps and garbage and its just a thing that goes back for over a thousand years. We could occasionally get pork products from people who worked at Eskan the US military base which was a bit outside Riyadh the capital city where I lived.

Then there was the food there. They had food from all over the world there because Riyadh is actually a very international city with so many people from various different countries coming to work there they would also bring their food preferences with them so its not hard to get food from all around the world there. I am addicted to a Filipino dish called Panzit which is basically a celophane (a very thin noodle) noodle dish with chicken and nuts or whatever is put in it, schawarma which the greeks ripped off and renamed gyros and changed it a bit, great hummus, and a flat bread called arabic bread (it was round like a tortilla) which is basically a really good version of pita bread and it was great to tear off strips of it and dip it in hummus.

Then there is Arabic music. I realised this morning that I had been listening to Arabic Music all day yesterday. Although I do not speak or read Arabic or understand much of it, I still enjoy listening to it and someday I do hope to learn Arabic. Unfortunately my current college does not offer Arabic language courses and neither does Utah Valley University, which is the school I am transferring to in the fall. They do offer Japanese though so I am going to take that. There are also a lot of languages I am interested in studying so someday I hope to be multilingual. I would like to learn Arabic, Japanese, German, French, Korean, Spanish, Tagalog, and Portuguese. This is obviously going to take me some time to learn all of these languages but imagine being able to converse with people in all of these languages. I think if I learned all these languages I would be in great demand as a interpreter in most places in the world.

As a third culture kid I do not really consider myself American anymore but rather a global nomad. I know that may seem weird as I only lived overseas for a year and three months but you would be surprised at how much you change by living overseas. I typically spell things the British way which is more common worldwide than the American way which as far as I've seen is mostly the U.S. that uses that form and occasionally Canadians will as well. I find that I identify with other nationalities such as Europeans rather than Americans these days.

Then there is my desire to travel and see new things. I have always wanted to travel for years and moving overseas to Saudi Arabia only made my travel bug worse. In fact it mushroomed as a result of living overseas. I'm sorry but I feel that many people in the US have a superiority complex because they have never lived outside the US, let alone been outside the US or North America for that fact. The US is not the greatest country in the world and people need to get their panties out of a twist about that fact!

Yes there are some downsides. For example I live in one country and my family lives in another which can make communication difficult since we live on different continents and in different time zones. International calls are expensive but fortunately there is email, letters, and skype and there are just times when you want to hear a family members voice which is where the phone and skype come into play. It is a bit rough starting college in a different country than where your family lives but it is doable. One of my biggest issues is that I never seem to have any money which I hope to remedy this summer by hopefully being able to find a job in Utah. Once I finish my college degree I will hopefully find a job overseas and move outside North America again. I don't think I could stay here for much longer anymore. Once I finish college I don't know if I could take living in the U.S. anymore. I've had a taste of life outside the U.S. and I want more!

On another note I think I would also like to go to graduate school. Where I am not sure possibly somewhere outside the US or somewhere back in the Eastern part of the US such as Virginia or Maryland. However I first need to work on getting my bachelors degree. My current goal is a degree in History. I would like to be a History teacher and teach World History. One thing I don't get about History degree is that it is mostly U.S. History Classes. That seems rather biased to me. There is so much History in the world that it seems unfair just to focus on History in the US. What about Europe, South America, The Middle East, Asia, and everywhere else in the world? I also think I need to study abroad for a semester or a year so I will need to check out what programs are available in Utah when I get there. First of all though I need money so I will need to get a job asap! I am tired of mooching off my parents and I want to be financially independent.

Curses

I found a video on how to swear in several Nordic Languages. Who knew cursing could be so much fun lol. Faen!

Call it cynical but...

I feel the parents of these shows such as Kate Plus 8 and 19 kids and counting should rethink their lives as this is monopolising off their children. Also I think the Duggar family needs to take a hard look in a mirror as they say they watch less television than the average family. I think that making tv episodes counts as watching tv and they claim they are an average family yet they ride around in a giant bus which costs a ton of money is gasoline alone to run it, not to mention the costs of maintaining it. So call it cynical but I think these parents really need to rethink their lives.

Well

I've been feeling a little homesick lately and was watching videos from the Mid-East on youtube and this came up.

Why?...

Why do I suddenly feel like going to Veracruz Mexico? The last time I felt something similar to this I was feeling like going to Mexico and my college was going on a daytrip to Nogales Mexico and I was able to go. Hmm... Maybe I'll be going to Veracruz sometime in the near future.

Well

I've managed to lose a pound and I got back from the gym not too long ago and I feel sore.

So

So I started a new blog to keep myself on track for weight loss so I actually stick it out to the end. The blog is davidlosethatflab.wordpress.com

Way Away

Since I was introduced to Yellowcard in 8th grade they have been one of my favourite bands. One of my favourite songs is Way Away. The lyrics describe what I am going through right now trying to break free.

I think I'm breaking out
I'm gonna leave you now
Theres nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything

You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
You can't keep me here, I'm on my way
I've made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything


Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe

Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything




Music describes the emotions of someone or something. I am trying to break free and this song describes that.

Fading Away

I've been noticing more and more lately how I seem to fade into the background. I'm basically a shadow at my college that fills a seat and turns in assignments. I'm hoping to go through a metamorphosis this summer where I lose the weight I need to (at least 40 pounds), start life over in a place where I know almost no one (the only people I know in the area I'm moving to are an Aunt and a Cousin), hopefully find and job and start at a new college. I'm hoping a change in geography helps. I have a tendency to be very shy and I'm hoping to change that a little. Now I have no problems with being cautious but I need to live life outside of a shell. I shall fade away from Thatcher in a few weeks and be done with Arizona. I'm wondering if I came down to Arizona in a year how many people would recognise me after I fulfil my goal of losing at least 40 pounds and getting into shape and being able to start swimming again without feeling self conscious in a swimsuit because of how fat I look. Its time to burn my weight off and burn bridges. Goodbye Arizona.

So

So a friend of mine gave me a wireless mouse which is awesome but I've been quite impressed with the battery life. The battery is still 100 % charged and I charged it once since I got it which was Sunday. Now it has a wireless stand which plugs into my computer so thats how it connects but I haven't had to stick it in to charge since the first charge and its just awesome that the battery is still 100 %! On a side note I might be going to see Kick Ass tomorrow if they have it playing at the cinema in town.

So my box hunt begins...

So I got two boxes already that I've found and I still haven't gone to the grocery store to ask for boxes. I need to do that sometime this week.

...

I'm having mixed thoughts about moving out of State in a few weeks. I've wanted to for years and now I actually am going to be doing so. It wont be far but it will be out of this State. I have no plans to move back after I move out of this State though I probably will visit occasionally but I am going to be busy so it wont be often. This will be an end to my living in this state. Soon it will be the end. Fin.

Well this was certainly a surprise

I was looking at a school in Canada and converted the cost of tuition from Canadian Dollars to US Dollars. In Canadian Dollars the cost was $5900 CAD per semester. In US Dollars it translates to $5902 USD. The Canadian Dollar has risen in value above the US dollar. I've never heard of that happening before.

School

I can't wait for this semester to be over. Summer Hurry up and get here and help me get my assignments in on time!

Movies

Today I was making a list of movies I'd like to get and now looking at the list most of them are Disney Movies. Yes I am a disney dork.

Channeling thoughts seems to work

Yesterday I was thinking that it would be nice to have some fresh homemade pizza. Guess what we were making that night at cooking class? Yep you guessed it, fresh homemade pizza. That was good. I should try channeling my thoughts more often.

Meh

I'm trying to find silver linings in things or plus sides to things but its been difficult. I need to keep trying so I don't end up being one of those bitter old men you see in rest homes who are completely by themselves. Erghhhhh this is difficult.

I need to get a new laptop. I do like mine but I don't think it would be powerful enough for various new software and my laptop is only about a year old. I'll keep it for storage and as a backup though once I get a new laptop. Hopefully I'll be able to get one with a webcam and microphone built in. Though I've gotten a microphone to work (and that took forever to get it to work) I still cant get my webcam to work with Ubuntu linux which is what I have because when I got my computer it was a couple hundred dollars more to get one with Xp on it. I'm going to be hopefully working full time this summer to save up enough money to cover what my pell grant wont cover for UVU next year. Out of state tuition is about 5000 a semester and my pell grant will cover about 2500 a semester so I need to earn at least 3000-4000 dollars this summer to cover fall semesters tuition and then I'll hopefully earn enough by the end of the semester to cover the difference for springs tuition. If I can earn all the money I need for school this summer then I am going to save up for a new laptop.

And I'm also scheming about some projects that I'd like to do and I've been looking on the internet and found a website that sells the whole bolt of fabric (usually about 9 yards worth) for around 50 bucks depending on the material. Silk of course is more expensive and it was the bolts of cotton fabric I was looking at. I've also been price comparing on sewing machines and I looked on ebay and I'm wondering if it would be worth it to buy a sewing machine used on ebay. I found a couple that were good models in good conditions that would cost a whole lot more to buy brand new.

Silver linings

I was reading my cousin in laws (well its my cousins wife) blog and she had an interesting post about her day yesterday which though it was crappy she found several positive points or silver linings in her day. Heres her blogpost.

"While we were at the dentist this morning, my tire went flat. At least it was after the appointment, AND we were in town close to the tire place, and NO cavities!! (-Though there was discussion of Sariah's impending orthodontia.)

When we went to get it filled, we found we were way overdue for new tires, AND an oil change. We've known this for a while, but at least we found out at a time when we could afford it (Though grudgingly. Seriously. Who wants to pay that much money for something as boring as tires?!) and that we were able to do it before we had a tire blow or something.

While we waited for the car to get fixed we went for a walk. (How awesome that the stroller was in the van!) It was cold and none of my kids had coats. At least it wasn't raining! (Or let's be real, we're in Rexburg, it could easily have been snowing.)

While we were walking a bird pooped. On. My. Hand. I'm not seeing a huge silver lining there, (at least it wasn't my head?) but I'm incredibly grateful for baby wipes. However, I am NOT grateful for sippy cups. A few minutes after that "fowl" incident I discovered that Helam's stupid sippy cup leaked all over my phone effectively destroying it. (Di-thanks for letting me use you as an emergency contact. My phone let me see that you said yes, but not reply. I'm glad you said yes, because I'd already put you.)

When we got home, it was 4. Helam, who usually naps at 11, went down for a late nap. (SO overdue.) I was supposed to get to spend my afternoon sorting and folding laundry, doing dishes, and rewinding the fishing line that Helam spread all over the house and organizing my craft room. That's really not happening. Neither is dinner.

Luckily, in about an hour I have a husband coming home who I hope has a lot of energy because he hasn't had to look for a lot of silver linings, while dragging "a multitude of blessings" (3) around town while getting pooped on today.

In other good news... before the dentist appointment, I got both the big bathrooms cleaned, scrubbed, and beautiful. (Baseboards too!) As I was getting ready to go, I tried on one of my old "skinny shirts" (that used to be way to small for me) and my skinny pants (Not to be confused EVER with skinny jeans, though they were jeans.) Both have now become my "fat clothes." "

Erghhhhhhh...

I do not like the mattresses in my dorm. They are old and lumpy and it you sit in one spot for a while its creates a dent there. This makes it difficult to sleep on. So with this and a combination of going to bed late last night I did not sleep well and it was difficult to fall asleep. Then I haven't eaten today yet as I am on a two meals a day meal plan because eating breakfast at my cafeteria is not worth it. Lunch is in about 45 minutes though so its not too long from now.

On the plus side I now have my own room. My former roommate got moved downstairs and then his brother moved upstairs because they can't stand living together. Then my former roommate got kicked out of housing. For what I don't know and I don't really care at this point as he was an arse. So his brother moved back downstairs because his brothers room was empty so we both have our own rooms now! Though if I had to room with my former roommates brother again I would. He's a good guy.

Merlin

Yesterday on tv was a marathon of the upcoming show Merlin. Its premiering this friday at 10 pm on the sci fy channel. I watched one episode and I was hooked. Basically it goes into Merlins life as he is discovering his powers and his life in Camelot before Arthur takes the thrown. Merlin works as a servant of Arthur who is the crown Prince and Arthurs dad has banished magic from Camelot and anyone who is caught using magic is punished severely either by life in prison or death. So Merlin though he wants to use his powers has to keep them hidden.

Semester at sea

I was talking to a friend of mine today and she told me that next Spring she is going to be doing a Semester at Sea through the University of Virginia. Out of curiosity I looked up the program and it looks really interesting. Now I think I would like to do this program too later on. However for a whole semester program the cost is quite expensive but the summer course is much more affordable. The regular semester program is $22,395 whereas the summer program is only $10,995. Hopefully I'll be able to get a scholarship or who knows some unknown rich relative of mine may die and leave me some money. I can hope.

So I turned a assignment in early..

I'm taking Psychology 101 at the moment. Anyways I was checking the assignment sheet she posted online with the homework assignments and their due dates and I panicked because one projects due date said it was due today. So last night I did it and it only took me about 20 minutes to look up the information in the textbook and answer the five questions. I then submitted it and I was done. This morning I go to Psychology class at 8 (I'm regretting taking a class this early in the morning) and its a 50 minute long class and 30 minutes after class starts the teacher announces she is going to give us the rest of the class to work on our project. Well my classmate who was sitting next to me (he lives down the hall from me in my dorm as well) had already done the project as well and he looked and me and said want to go to breakfast? And then we just walked out of class and went to the cafeteria for breakfast. Lol.

Bahahahahaha!

Right now I'm watching Worlds Strictest Parents where two spoiled teens from Georgia and Missouri have to go out and live for a week with a family in Moab Utah that has 12 kids but only 5 kids live at home at the moment because most of them are grown up. However this family owns a cleaning business cleaning businesses in the area and they all work so they can afford to eat. However when they make these two kids work with them and these two spoiled kids are in total culture shock because they have never had to work before. Oh this is funny.

I need a therapist

I need to see a therapist, counsellor, or psychologist. When talking to my Dad he pointed out that from his observation I seem to have a combination of depression and emptiness. Hopefully I'll be able to do that this summer but I can't do that at the moment because I have no money and my insurance only covers half of any of my medical fees in the states which would help but I need money. However hopefully this summer I should be able to get a full time job and find a therapist or psychologist who has a sliding payment schedule depending on your income. I'm hoping this helps improve my life as I could use some improvement.

Does this seem weird?

This is sort of a whim of mine but I'm thinking that when I have the money I'd like to buy a sewing machine and use it to make some throw pillows, pillowcases, blankets, and other projects. I've wanted to make some of these things for a while so I can have my own design but now I think I am going to do so.

Inner War

I got the idea of Inner War off Jareds blog. I feel like I am going through one at the moment. With so much conflict going on inside me at the moment. As much as I love my family we are going in the opposite direction at this point in life. They are leaning towards their church and trying to become more spiritual whereas I on the other hand am not leaning towards it and am not very spiritual these days. I think that Crawling by Linkin Park describes part of the conflict/inner war I am going through.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling

I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Chorus

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Chorus (Repeat until end)

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling (Whispered during chorus)


Words and writing of others can describe things that we have a hard time describing ourselves. In this case Crawling describes the fact that I have some wounds from the past that are having a hard time healing. Although there are lots of nice people in the LDS Church I have met a lot of two faced people which when you take that and all the bs that happened to me in High School caused several wounds which still need time to heal. My Mother said that I haven't been happy for several years and I do believe that is partially true though thats not to say I haven't had happy or fun moments.

I feel like ranting about High School... I HATED it. I am so sick of drama from all the BS that went on from teachers who should have been fired,to bureacracy, to classmates who have their heads up their asses, to teachers who pick a couple of students to give good grades to no matter what, to students cheating openly and teachers and administrators letting them get away with it despite the fact that they say they do not tolerate cheating, to administration doing stupid things to your credits. I think that the best thing that happened to me was when I enrolled full time at Primavera and finished quickly through them and the teachers were willing to listen to my views and answer my questions. I know a lot of people look down at Online Schools but I don't care what they say Primavera is amazing. With the layouts of their classes, the helpfulness of their teachers and administrators as they really want you to succeed and they don't just sit there collecting a paycheck. They were also extremely flexible so if you finished the world early you got the credit and then could take another class and finish early if you wanted. I wish I could have gone to Primavera starting in my Junior year as I could probably have finished a year early. Oh I hated High School.

Now my brother is going to be attending Primavera soon and he is a Sophomore and he is going to be trying to finish as soon as possible. I think he could finish a year and a half early because he is really quite motivated and really works hard.

For the first time

For the first time in several years I feel like I am regaining control of life. Its just been a good feeling today after answering several questions my Mom emailed me and explaining my point of view and then listening to several songs: Linkin Park-Crawling, Kamelot-The Human Stain, and Linkin Park-Breaking the Habit. Music takes the pain away. Well I need to go off to get ready for history 102.

Watching Harry Potter 5

On tv. They got the perfect actress to play Umbridge.

Well I'm back

I got back to my dorm room and its hot in here. Now why on earth would they turn on the heater when its been warm outside for the past few days here. This isn't making any sense. I need to get a fan in here as having the window open isn't helping much.

The end of my spring break...

Well I move back into my dorm tonight and classes start tomorrow so this is the end of my Spring Break. It has been boring with exciting moments.

What to do with the rest of my spring break

Well I've decided to be lazy for the rest of my Spring Break. I move back into my dorm tomorrow night and classes start again on Monday so theres nothing much for me to do in the meantime. So lazyness it is.

Heading back to arizona

We stopped in Indio Cali for gas and now were heading back.

In Tuscon

Whatev

Packing up

Well were packing up the van to head to California

California here I come!

In about 2 and a half hours I am heading to California and then tomorrow I'll be at Disneyland. California here I come!

I love travelling...

I love travelling and seeing new things. I found a video on youtube that I feel describes perfectly why I travel.. To see the world.

I'm thinking

I'm thinking that in about 2 years after I get back into shape and lose the weight I need to lose I am going to go to Europe during the summer and go backpacking for about a month. I've been watching this show on youtube put on by two guys called Germany vs. USA (one guys german and the other is american) and they were discussing backpacking around Europe and they mentioned several things that although would be a little expensive initially they save you more money. One of those things was the Eurail pass which depending on which one you buy is good for most of Europes train systems with the exception of the UK where basically you see a train you want to go on you just hop on. The pass for a month is about $789 US so its a bit expensive up front but when you consider what you would spend buying tickets everywhere you save a ton of money. Kelly let me know how Austria is because I would like to visit there as well.

These tuition hikes

With all these tuition hikes in Arizona I am wondering where the hell they expect us to get the money to pay for this. Do they expect us to magically pull this money out of our asses when many students are already drowning in debt. Where the hell did concern for students go instead of greed and financial mismanagement. I just read an article about tution hikes for next year that are going to significantly increase tuition at U of A, ASU, and NAU. Well with ASU its no surprise as they do this every year but U of A and NAU? This is really ridiculous. Heres a link to the article

I'm glad I am leaving Arizona this summer and hopefully for good as this is completely ridiculous. Why should they raise tuition when we have one of the lowest educational ratings in the US? Were ranked 50th. Even Mississippi beat us (they were ranked 48th and Nevada was ranked 49th) heres the link to that

On Spring Break with nothing to do...

Well as my post says I'm on Spring Break with nothing to do till Wednesday when I leave for Cali with some friends and on Thursday when we actually go to Disneyland. At the moment I'm staying at a friends house here in town because I didn't have enough gas or money to get gas to go up to Mesa anyways plus I'm still fighting with the DMV over vehicle registration stickers. I renewed the registration when I got back to the States and I don't have to go through emissions testing as that is only require in Maricopa and Pima County but I never received the sticker and Servicearizona is being a douchebag about it and I don't want to get a fine that I shouldn't receive for Servicearizona not getting off their lazy asses. I need to go into the DMV soon within the next week and talk to them about it.

I'm on Spring Break!

Woot I'm on Spring Break. This coming week I'm going to Disneyland! I'm in a partying sort of mood and felt this song was appropriate for the mood I'm in.

Appreciate

I enjoy going to my History 102 class and I am also a bit of a History nerd however a break occasionally from class is nice. What I appreciate about my History Professor is that when he is going to cancel class he usually sends us an email such as today because he got sick. That said I hope he gets well soon because I enjoy his class.

Jocks...

Why is it that Jocks are allowed to get away with so much crap? For example a friend of mine was out walking one night recently and a group of jocks walked by and one punched him in the face. They got away with attacking him. That isnt right. And then there is the constant drug use at my college by Jocks. Before the Fall Semester had even started most of the Football team had failed their drug tests and yet they were allowed to keep playing. They were shouting about it in the cafeteria. Isn't one of the rules of College Sports teams that if you fail your drug test you get kicked off the team? Well they apparently don't enforce that rule here. This really pisses me off how Jocks can get away with this and be rewarded for doing so. Most of these people are the ones who were the Elementary School bullies and yet they were rewarded for being bullies in High School and now College. This system is unfair, biased, and discriminatory. That really burns my butt!

Choking on Spray Deoderant

I'm choking on the fumes of Spray Deoderant right now. My roommate who I am hoping is soon my former roommate likes using Spray Deoderant. Now I have no problems with a bit of Spray Deoderant however when you spray it on like my roommate does its a choking hazard. I opened his window when he left so thats helping but seriously spraying it all over you is overkill. The stuff is concentrated so you only need a quick spray of it, maybe a second at the most. Its not supposed to be sprayed all over your body.

Edit: As of now my former roommate has been moved downstairs and his brother who is much more responsible has moved up here. I like his brother.

Just a thought...

Life doesn't stop on Sunday even though its the weekend. Just thought I would put my two cents in.

Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am really pissed off at my roommate right now and I am hoping that he gets kicked out because I am not going to live with him any longer after he stole my keys and lied to me about them. However he could be charged with Grand Larceny because in addition to my dorm key being on the lanyard my car key was as well.

Disney on the Brain

I've been trying to work on some homework for Psychology thats due tomorrow but its no use right now because I have Disney on the brain. Why you might ask? Because I have a very good chance of going there over Spring Break with some friends. As a result I've been google image searching disney and I liked this picture of the Disneyland Castle




Well I'm off to attempt to again work on my Psychology Homework. Zipa dee doo dah zip a dee day, My oh my what a wonderful day.

Music

I was watching Extreme Home Makeover Home Edition and they did a home for a family in Kentucky with a 19 year old son who was blind and also was in a wheelchair. However he is a very talented Musician who plays the Piano, Can sing, plays the trumpet, and is on the Marching Band at the University of Louisville. Watching him sing and play the piano reminded me of a woman who I was in a weaving class last semester with last semester who was blind but also was very good at singing. People reach out in different ways and this woman and this guy reached out through music.

I'm impressed

Well I went to Tuscon with some friends today on a tour of the University of Arizona... I have to say I was pretty impressed. Now I am going to go up to Utah and try school there but if I have to transfer back to Arizona for tax reasons as I am still a dependent of my parents I will probably transfer to the University of Arizona. I need to focus on getting my CNA (certified nursing assistant) license this summer though so I can get a decent job in most places and Tuscon would definitely have jobs in that field.

Why I hated High School

I had a hellhole of a High School Career. When the counsellors say you will look back on High School fondly my response is you have no clue what I went through in High School. That being said I'm considering becoming a High School History Teacher.

Tuscon here we come!

This Saturday I'm going to be going to Tuscon to tour the University of Arizona with some friends. Although I am not particularly interested in going to a University in Arizona I'm going to get out of town for the day so of course I'm going!

Crawling

After taking a few days to think about an email my Dad sent me asking me some hard and fast questions about where exactly am I going in life I've found that what's going on can be described by Linkin Park's song "Crawling." My life is getting pulled in so many directions right now. I responded to my Dads email and now I am glad I took some time to think about what I needed to say as he recommended. It definitely helped. However now I still feel like my life is still being pulled in several directions. On one side my Dad wants me to follow the religion he raised me in, a religion in which I was stabbed in the back multiple times and I was lied to straight to my face. While I didn't let him know that I had left that religion, I did let him know that I saw no point in following a religion where the members of which have stabbed me in the back multiple times. His religion is not for me and I still have scars which need time to heal. How much time I don't know but it is definitely going to be a while to heal from all the bullshit I went through.

I also let him know that I still do not agree with the move from Maryland to Arizona though I do understand some of the reasons such as my little sister who has asthma would get very sick during the winter as the cold weather during the winter would trigger asthma attacks for her and she would end up in the hospital as a result. Then she also had allergies. Apparently out of the 50 most common allergies 48 of the 50 allergens are native to the Maryland/Virginia area. My youngest sister is also allergic to the Mums family including the Chrysanthemum flower. Those grow all over back East.

While this move may have been good for my sisters health, I do not feel it has been good for me. I do not think I fit here its like trying to fit a square in a round hole, I've lived here in Arizona for about 9 years and it is just not working out for me here. I know this sounds selfish and whiny but I do need to take care of myself. However I've been holding this in for so long that I need to start releasing it. I may not be the best or most creative writer in the world but I write to release tension, a lot of which has been building up in my life lately.

Muses of Ancient Greece, I need inspiration. I've been without it for some time now and I could use some please. I need to straighten out the knots in my life and move on. In the Greece you inspired much in literature, writing, art, science, and many others things. Please don't lay dormant any more I need your help. I need your help to find the true me which is buried under the rubble of life. I need more than just a shovel I need a team of bulldozers to clear this rubble away.

On a side note the other day I got an email from the Disney After High School Program that I applied to a while back asking to set up an interview. While I was interested in the program at the time I applied now I do not know if I want to do the after High School program or wait and do the college program. Muses I could really use some major help now!

Meh

To who I was speaking about the lack of comments I'm sorry I was a bit confused about what was going on. Anyways onto other news.

I have discovered a love for a website called zamzar.com its a website that lets you download youtube videos in certain formats. I think when Eurovision starts next month that I am going to be using Zamzar even more.

Summer

I wish summer was here so I could get out of this state. For those of you who don't know I am going to be moving up to Utah for the summer at least, I might stay longer and go to school up there but I don't know. If I can get a job up there than I am staying.

Greek

The thought occurred to me that most colleges and Universities do not offer a Bachelors Program in the Greek Language, let alone any greek language courses. Why is it that while they contributed so much to ideas of democracy, art, literature, science, philosophy, mathematics, and architecture their language is not offered as a course to take in College or University or to even be able to major in Greek Language. I googled US universities which offer a degree program in Greek language and only a handful of Universities showed up and they were all back east. The closest one to the west was at a University in Michigan. This is very puzzling to me when the greeks have contributed so much.

Existence

Lately I feel like I've been speaking to empty space. For example I'll comment on a friends blog but they never comment back on mine they just comment on their blog. So it just feels like all of my blog posts are going into empty space. I think the song Empty Space by Air Traffic is a appropriate description of my feeling of empty space.




I told my parents that I was going to transfer to Chandler Gilbert CC and my Dad tried to talk me out of it. Although I understand that he wants me to be around for my sister who next year will be going to the college (EAC) that I am currently at, I cant take it here. There is nothing here, no nightlife, and I can't get a job here. I need a life and I cant do just school. Thats why I am going to be attending Chandler Gilbert CC this fall. I've been interested in Massage Therapy for some time so I will be doing the Massage therapy program. Chandler Gilbert and Phoenix College are the two community colleges in Maricopa County that offer Massage Therapy. However thats not all I intend to do at Chandler Gilbert. I'm also going for an Associates Degree in General Studies to get all of those annoying prerequisite courses out of the way. I also intend to get an Associates Degree in History. That is just for starters. I'm sure there will be something else I want to major in but thats good for now. However once I finish the massage therapy program I will most likely move out of state to back East and take a a year off to become a resident and then register at a University out East. Preferably University of Maryland-College Park. I'm sure my parents will try to convince me to stay in Arizona (well my Dad would at least my mom would want me to move to Virginia where she's from. My Dads from Phoenix so he's a desert rat) but its time I fended for myself.

Also when I move back to the Gilbert-Mesa area I want to take lessons to learn how to ride a motorcycle. I want to go to a Motorcycle school so I can learn from professional instructors and also not have to go through DMV testing. However to afford this I need a job.

Looking back on myself I've changed a lot. I used to be rather religious (at least in the mormon faith) but I moved on and left their church and now I'm not religious at all. I have no problem with people who choose to belong to a faith or religion and practice it but for now its not for me. I'm not that small boy who got beat up at Benjamin Franklin Charter school and got accused in Junior High by a Kindergartener of beating him up when a jerk in a couple of my classes put him up to it. (Note: Chris White if you ever read this Fuck you, you were and always will be a jackass) I still do not know who I truly am and I feel that I will always be on a path of self discovery. I write to express myself, my feelings, my thoughts and emotions. I write to vent my frustration and anger and how pissed off I can be at certain things such as how jocks at my college can get away with pretty much anything yet I can't. That isnt right.

I cut my ties to my first High School because I was getting nowhere there. My parents wouldnt let me transfer and they wouldnt listen to me about the problems I had there. When my Dad got his job and we moved overseas it was a miracle to get out of that hellhole. Of course though the Principal at my second High School was worst than my first High School combined and with two other teachers that school wasnt just a hellhole, it was a lake filled with gasoline set on fire. When I came back to the states I enrolled in Primavera Online during my first semester of college. I took three classes from them to get my High School Diploma and this was a portion of High School that I actually enjoyed. My teachers actually cared about my opinions and if I had a question though we communicated electronically they were willing to answer my question. I took 7 habits for success, Character Education, and Government. The first two were elective credits because although I had taken classes through Primavera before because of issues with math I needed to take a certain amount of classes from Primavera before I could graduate. I needed government because my second high school did not require it but Primavera and the State of Arizona did. I finished my classes early though it did take them a while to send me my diploma once I got it, seeing my name on it was like a natural rush of happy juice flowed through me. The song "I'm walking on sunshine" immediately started playing in my head. Cheesy I know but I finally had my High School Diploma which took a huge amount of work to get having gone to three different High Schools. I wish my Parents had listened to me. If I had gone to a Mesa High School I could have graduated a year early easily. Or at Primavera I could have graduated a whole year early too. But I graduated a little later than I should have but I earned it and now I have my High School Diploma and I never have to take a High School Class again.

That saying I'm thinking teaching is in my future somewhere down the road either as a History Teacher in a Junior High or High School setting or a college setting or possibly teaching Elementary School. But first after I finish a Bachelors Degree I want to travel and work abroad for a while. There is so much out there that I want to see. I want to see all of Asia, South America, The Middle East, Europe, Africa, and go up to Canada so I can say I've been to all three North American Countries... Canada, the US, and Mexico. If I could teach abroad say ESL in Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, etc., or teaching in International Schools or regular schools in countries I want to go to say The UK for example that would be something I think I would really enjoy.

2 late nights=

Things getting done. Last night I had to write a whole essay analysing Edgar Allan Poes "The Cask of Amontillado" that I had not had time to do/procrastinated on. That was due this morning. Then the night before I had to do something else for classes the next day though what it was I cant remember. And I also got addicted to White Collar so that was on that night so I was watching that till 2 in the morning. I love Adult/College Freedom.

Well

My Dad just emailed me to ask me what my Summer plans are... I realised that I don't have any summer plans other than I am not going back to Riyadh (too hot during the summer and I cant work there) so I am probably going to stay here and try to find a summer job and take a few classes.

I miss living back east

The grass, the trees, the flowers and other plants.
A warm lazy summer day with a shower of rain in the afternoon.
Trips to the beach in North Carolina during the summer.
The leaves changing colours during the fall.
Actual woods with big trees and not sticks.
Associating bridges with water.
Puddles after a rain shower.
Water
Snow in the winter.
Plants being alive.
Spring poking up through the snow.
My Moms tulip garden in front of our house.
Squirrels and nuts
Wild blackberries growing on the sides of the roads where we would stop and pick buckets of them and then my Mom would make blackberry jam when we got home. Humidity. Yes I know that seems strange to miss but after living in an oven for half my life.
Public transportation that I could take into D.C.
The flavor of the East Coast.
The closeness of other states
Excellent Higher education

Sorry I was daydreaming about how I missed living in Maryland. In this economy I don't know if I could make that daydream a reality. However I am getting more and more frustrated living in the Southwest so I need to do something soon before I go completely beserk.

College Sports Teams

I think this system is messed up. In fact I know this system is messed up. Why? Because Jocks who play sports but break school rules are rewarded instead of punished.

For example Steroid use is against my schools rules and I am pretty sure it is against the law. Yet most members of the Sports teams at my school use steroids often. Now there are the medical steroids for certain uses such as asthma. For example one of my sisters and brothers have been on a steroid before that keeps their lungs open. They are both asthmatics so this was necessary when they were having asthma attacks. However the Steroids the Sports Teams at my college are using are not for purposes such as Asthma.

Then there's drug use. I walk down the hall and you can smell the smell of Pot being smoked. Then there are the days when you walk up the stairs and there is a very strong smell of Axe Spray Deodorant. You know that someones been smoking a lot up there. At the beginning of the year the football team was talking about the fact that most of them had failed their drug tests and they had been out partying. Why havent they been kicked out for drug use? I am fairly sure the coaches of the teams know about the drug use yet they do nothing about it?

Then theres the academic side. I walk down the halls of the dorm I live in and you hear people bragging on how they cheated on a test or how they stole the answers to a test. Then theres the ones who simply party all the time and dont go to class or do their work. Why havent they been dropped from their classes and kicked out of the dorms? Most teachers policies are that if you miss six or more classes unless you have a valid excuse you get dropped from their class. I have no problem with the people who play sports to get a scholarship so they can go to college and make something out of themselves but the people who come here and simply just party and dont do anything and expect everything handed to them on a silver platter? Thats not right.

Floating

Thinking back on when I entered college this year I realised that I've been floating this year because I'm not sure what I want out of life. I've just been taking general classes not really sure what I want to do. However History has sparked an interest in me this year. Theres that quote "Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it" I think I would enjoy educating people about History. Yes I am a bit of History nerd but so what.

Another thing I am interested in as you may have noticed from my past posts is Massage Therapy. The art of healing people without surgery is something I've been curious about now for a while and now I think I'd like to become a Massage Therapist. I've been looking at Massage Therapy Programs in the Southwest and I've found a couple of Massage Therapy Schools but they are all out of my budget and my goal is to stay debt free. So I looked at Community Colleges in Arizona and Utah for Massage Therapy Programs and so far the only CC I've found is Chandler Gilbert Community College. So I will probably be transferring there next year. Unfortunately Mesa CC which is the school I was planning on going to if I moved back to Maricopa County doesn't offer a Massage Therapy Program according to their website. Now that might change soon but who knows. However Chandler Gilbert's Program requires some prerequisite courses which will take another year to earn so it looks like I'll be at a Community College for at least three years. In that case I plan on getting three Associates Degrees. One in General Studies, another in History, and one in Massage Therapy. However before I move anywhere I need a job so if at all possible I hope to be able to at least get a work study job at Chandler Gilbert.

Today I've been rather tired and I'm not exactly sure why. I'll be going to bed a bit earlier than I did last night as a result of this methinks. I have a couple of assignments due in English tomorrow that I've been procrastinating doing and I'm going to procrastinate some more meaning this weekend I am going to be busy. Bleh. I need to put together an organiser and then put all my assignments in that and get them done early so I dont procrastinate till the very last minute like I've been doing. Now my issue is putting together an organiser. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I keep forgetting how peaceful the library is as compared to my dorm. However my dorm this semester is still paradise compared to the one I was in last semester. However I'm using one of the study rooms in the library right now and its quiet and peaceful. Bliss :) ! I need to come here more often. I could get my assignments done more quickly here as well. But I also like the back pillow I bought at Bed Bath and Beyond over Christmas Break with some of the money my parents gave me for Christmas. I put it on top of my bed and I sit on my bed with my laptop. :)

I'm also realising that I have too much stuff in my dorm room but I literally live there so I'm not sure what to do. Its also a kind of compulsion of mine that whenever I have money I buy movies that I want. I always try to get them for under five dollars though because I am a bit of a cheapskate. Half.com is a wonderful place to find good used dvds for a fraction of the price it would cost to buy brand new in stores. I'm also constantly checking out Wal Marts five dollar movie bin to see what they have. For a while nothings interested me there though. I really need a job but its next to impossible to get one here in this town. Work studies get taken by people on the sports teams as they snag them when they move in a few weeks before school starts for practices. So by the time school starts and everyone else moves in all jobs are taken. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I hate this town and this state but I'm stuck at the moment till I can get a job and save up money to move. My current plan at the moment is to get my three Associates Degrees as I stated above then find a job out of state (preferably back east) somewhere else with flexible residency laws, move there and take a gap year and work for a year to save up money and then enroll at a University in that state.

However if I do get accepted into the Disney After High School Program I am going to be moving out of state soon! Keep your fingers crossed for me to get accepted into this program.

Well I haven't faxed in my paperwork for the Disney Program I want to apply to but I should hopefully do that tomorrow. It turns out that there was one more paper I needed so I'll have to print that out tomorrow and then I'll have everything I need.

Today was rather boring. I only had English 102 today and that was this morning so after that I went to the gym this afternoon and then I had nothing else to do. I wish I could find a part time job but I've had no luck with that and I've gone to the Counselling Office and they are no help. I don't like living in a town where I cant get a job. Theres really nothing here for me so its time for me to move methinks. Where to I don't know yet.

I've also decided that I want to become a Massage Therapist for starters. Now how I am not sure yet. It will probably be the community college route unless I get offered a scholarship to a Massage Therapy School because they are expensive. My current college does not offer a Massage Therapy Program so I'm looking around to see what other schools do.

My schedule

Well since my friend decided to post her schedule on her blog I am going to do the same.
I am taking

English 102
I love the Professor for this class. He is really nice and he has a way of making you understand what he is trying to explain. An awesome Professor.

English 111
This is a lab that goes with English 102. Basically when I'm doing my Essays I can get help from writing tutors with this class.

History 102
I took this because I liked History 101 with the same Professor and it looked and sounded interesting. However I'm a bit nervous about having 4 papers due in two weeks on the same day in this class so we will see how that goes. The Professor posts all the assignments and their due dates on his website so I'm debating spending a weekend and doing all the papers at once and turning them in all at once so I don't have to worry about them.

Film As Literature
This class I signed up for because a friend of mine recommended it to me. Basically we watch all sorts of different movies and we discuss the meanings of this and that. Although I had this same professor for English 101 and I didnt enjoy her 101 class I am enjoying her Film as Lit class.

PE
Basically its a self paced class where as long as you clock 30 hours and 30 visits per semester then you get an A. I am in the process of starting to go 3 times a week for an hour per session so this wont be difficult to pass.

Gourmet Cooking
This is a fun class where we meet once a week and the teacher passes out recipes and we split up into groups and make one of the recipes he passes out and then once we're all done we all sit down as a class with the dishes we've prepared and have a full blown meal. Its fun!

I've decided...

...After some contemplating about life I've decided to apply to the Disney After High School Program. I already filled out the paperwork I just need to go have it faxed tomorrow. During high school I had wanted to work for Disney and I had found out about the after High School Program and I had figured that I would apply during my Senior year but then life changed dramatically at the end of my Junior Year. Now I realise that I still would like to do this program so I am going to apply. Wish me luck!

Bonjour!

That sounds way too perky for how I've been feeling this week. Even high sounds a bit perkier than I feel. The days this week just feel like days and they seem to drag on and on. But its Wednesday so its midweek so things are starting to look a bit better.
In Psychology today we were in groups and my group made a model of a neuron out of play dough. That was fun and we have a test on the chapters we've covered so far on friday so I need to go study.

Changes

With new times come new things and changes. I switched dorms at my school and I now live down the hall from a close friend I met at my school. We are definitely going to hang out more. Though we have both come to the conclusion that his tv is possessed. We were both on the other side of the room and it turned on by itself. We weren't even looking at it and then the commercial was about budgets which we were both talking about. Is that weird or not.

I didn't make any resolutions at New Years mainly because my goals and dreams change so often these days. Why should I make resolutions that I know are going to change?

I've been focusing on finding a part time job. So far I havent had any luck but I am not giving up. I'm going to go to the financial aid office tomorrow to talk to them about it and explain my situation.